Chapter 4: A Date While Cohabiting Is Not Really a Date, It's an Outing
The bomb dropped by the genius, Lemon Tsuta, had a lingering effect.
Shocked by the difference in their abilities, Arisa couldn’t focus on writing for about two days.
“Seriously, what was that~. Isn’t she being childish~? Being compared to someone who’s been a pro for years when I just debuted~. Is it normal for a professional novelist to pick a fight?”
Although she opened her laptop in her MARIA persona, she just grumbled and complained without writing.
That being said, Arisa wasn’t the type to sulk forever.
“I’m super depressed! But I’ll show her!”
Although she seemed a bit desperate, she was trying to bounce back on her own.
So the real problem was…
“How’s it going?”
I called out to Ryo, who was working in her room.
Remaining silent without even looking up, Ryo shook her head side to side.
It was obvious at a glance that she was in a terrible slump.
She was staring at her laptop, but her hands weren’t moving at all.
Ever since meeting Lemon, Ryo’s writing had completely stopped.
She wasn’t slacking off. Ryo was also facing the screen, trying to write.
But she had completely lost sight of how to write.
Furthermore, the blog she used to update daily had also stopped.
[Did something happen that you suddenly took a break?] [There are times when you’re too tired to update, right? I’m rooting for you!] [Is it the effect of cohabiting? There hasn’t been a stream either…]
Voices of concern were rising from her fans. At this rate, the uproar could escalate.
The shock therapy had completely backfired on Ryo.
In this contest with Arisa, Ryo is the opponent… but I don’t desire a win by default.
“If there’s anything I can do, let me know. Technical advice might be difficult for me, but as someone you’re cohabiting with, I’m your ally.”
Ideally, I would have the power to teach her myself.
But as an amateur, there was nothing I could teach Ryo, who was actively working as a pro.
“I just heard a line I can’t ignore~”
Arisa poked her head out from the kitchen.
“I-I wasn’t saying anything weird.”
“Kenichi-san is my ally! Don’t get that wrong!”
It seems she heard everything loud and clear…
“After dinner, read my manuscript. Kenichi-san is my partner, after all!”
“I know.”
Of course, I had no intention of slacking off in my united front with Arisa.
I was also diligently considering methods to sell the book, but…
“Senpai. It’s good that preparations for the bookstore events are progressing, but what are you going to do about the main theme for the event that’s currently marked ‘ (TBD)’? Don’t tell me you still haven’t decided?”
Senga hit the nail on the head, showing just how cornered I was.
I had some ideas. But the final piece wouldn’t click into place. Saying that I couldn’t get a final image because MARIA’s manuscript wasn’t finished was nothing but a complete excuse.
And because of that impatience, I didn’t want to think my actions had become reckless, but…
“Kenichi-san, are you doing anything weird with that girl from my school?”
Saturday morning. I woke up later than usual, and Arisa suddenly asked me this.
“…Weird things?”
“You went to my school without permission, didn’t you?”
“Yeah… I went to your school.”
However, I hadn’t told Arisa about it.
With the manuscript deadlines and no concrete direction regarding Arisa not attending school, I thought I shouldn’t bring up the issue.
I had just been making moves behind the scenes as usual, but…
“Why now?”
“Someone I know from school… contacted me.”
Arisa muttered.
“You have a friend you keep in touch with, don’t you.”
She does. When I went to the school, a girl I happened to meet who knew Arisa said, “Let’s exchange contact info~. It might be useful~,” so I exchanged contacts with her.
“Yeah, I do, but…”
It was probably pointless to hide it.
“What kind of things are you talking about with that girl via email?”
“What kind of things… just asking how things are at school.”
I haven’t talked about anything deep.
I just asked a little bit about whether there was anyone worried about Arisa not coming to school, or about the cheating incident.
“Don’t do things without permission.”
“I’m sorry for acting in secret.”
I’m sure she wouldn’t like an adult meddling in school problems.
I knew that, which is why I acted in secret and was timing when to consult her.
“But I’d be happy if you understood that I was thinking about what’s best for you, Arisa.”
“I told you I don’t need school!”
I had no memory of Arisa ever directing eyes so full of hatred at me before.
“I understand your opinion. But it’s normal to worry about you not going to school, right?”
“So… you go digging for information about an old cheating incident from someone else.”
Arisa had completely found out about my actions. From where and how did it leak? But considering that girls love to gossip, I could think of any number of possibilities.
“…I just thought that if you’re troubled by something, Arisa—”
“I’m not troubled by anything at school!”
Arisa screamed as if slamming the words at me.
“Why do you always do unnecessary things!? Don’t do things I hate! Think about my feelings too!”
I felt like I had been slapped across the face.
“It’s not that I’m not thinking about them. I thought it would be better this way in my own…”
I intended to put Arisa first.
“In the end, it’s self-protection, isn’t it? Because it looks bad for public appearances if I don’t go to school. You’re that kind of unpleasant adult too, Kenichi-san.”
Why do I have to be told something like that?
I’m making an effort for Arisa’s sake. Yet I’m unrewarded.
“You don’t understand my feelings at all, Kenichi-san!”
“Of course I don’t understand. The feelings of a fifteen-year-old pressuring me into cohabitation, that is.”
Unable to stand just taking it, I intended to shoot back a little sarcasm.
But, I never imagined.
I never imagined she would make a face like she was seriously about to cry.
“…My phrasing just now wasn’t good. I’m sorry…”
Arisa gritted her teeth tightly, roughly grabbed her bag, and headed for the entrance.
“Hey, wait. Where are you going?”
“I have an interview job today!”
With her hand on the doorknob, Arisa stopped once.
“Why don’t you go play nice with Ryo Takemi? You still haven’t even read my manuscript, have you…?”
With a loud slam, the door closed.
In the dining room lay MARIA’s manuscript, which she had asked me to read yesterday.
At noon, Ryo, who had been holed up in her room all along, came to the dining room.
After struggling with where to position herself for a while, Ryo sat down at the edge of the room.
“Umm… was it my fault? The argument this morning…”
“It has nothing to do with you, Ryo. I’m the one at fault.”
My tone came out blunt.
“I-I’m sorry. Because of me…”
“No, I said it’s not your fault.”
“No, it’s my fault. Because I forced myself into cohabiting…”
Ryo said with a brooding face.
“Right now, you should be focusing on something else, shouldn’t you, Ryo?”
Let’s make her turn her attention to other things. That’s what I thought, but.
“…I’m sorry for causing you worry. …If I don’t make this contest happen, everyone who got involved will lose face. It’s okay… I’ll definitely make it in time for the release date.”
I involuntarily felt a pang of guilt.
Did we put too much pressure on a fifteen-year-old just because she herself desired it?
“You already have a lot of completed essays, so it’ll work out somehow.”
I wanted her to relax even a little.
“Even though my brother is promoting it so grandly…”
“It’s all based on the premise of the content you write, Ryo, and the rest is just talk among other adults, so you don’t need to worry. Has the distribution company said anything to you?”
“…Nothing in particular. They don’t say anything about the contents of the work.”
Since it’s a WEB sales platform, I suppose that makes sense.
“Then you should consult with Kaede about the specific contents.”
“But an editor… only edits. …I’m sorry. You’re trying so hard to encourage me, and I’m just spouting negative things.”
“It’s fine.”
“But if you keep paying attention only to me, you won’t be able to make up with Kimisaka-san, you know?”
“…I’m pathetic.”
To be shown consideration by a suffering fifteen-year-old girl.
“I should have handled things better… I’m with you two, yet I can’t even help you… If I had talent like your brother… Toranosuke, would it have been different?”
“Hinosaka-san…”
At that moment, Ryo made a strange expression, as if she had made up her mind, yet looked like she was about to cry.
“Can I ask you one last favor?”
“I’ll listen to your favor, but… last?”
As I struggled to grasp the meaning of her words, she smiled, still looking like she was about to cry, and said.
“Will you… go on a date with me?”
The weather was perfectly clear, a fine day to go outside.
Ryo was wearing a white dress with a denim jacket thrown over it. Compared to her casual everyday wear, it was a date-like outfit.
However, we couldn’t afford to let the people around us misunderstand it as a date.
Ryo is an idol. It might be pointless since we’re already cohabiting, but… let’s be careful about that.
Therefore, she was disguised by wearing a cap pulled down low over her eyes.
But conversely, I felt like it was exuding a celebrity aura. She has a great figure too…
“Isn’t the distance a bit too far for a date?”
She complained about the distance between us as we walked side by side.
“Because it’s not a so-called date between a man and a woman. Just as a line drawn.”
“A working adult being conscious of a middle schooler is totally off-putting, though?”
“I agree, but I’m the man in Japan for whom it can’t be helped if people think that way. Hahaha…”
Only a dry laugh came out.
The possibility of being written up by the media again is not zero.
But unless they capture a very strange moment, I judged that I could make an excuse.
It’s normal to go out shopping with someone you live with, after all.
“There’s somewhere you want to go, right?”
“Yes. I want you to listen to what I have to say there.”
We arrived at the station after transferring trains. I walked for a while following Ryo’s lead.
While cutting across a park, Ryo stopped.
“…Do you remember this place?”
What Ryo pointed at was a bookstore facing the main street outside the park. It was a store with an event space inside, often holding events regardless of whether it was a weekday or weekend.
“I was in charge of it for work. So I know it, but what do you mean remember…?”
“I… see. It’s about a novel writing seminar that was held here about a year ago…”
“We did hold one.”
A “How to Write a Novel” seminar held by inviting a professional author.
It was a project realized through the goodwill of an author who lived nearby and frequented the bookstore.
It was a casual event where anyone, even beginners, could try writing a novel easily.
The age demographic of the participants was high… wait, but I think there was a middle school girl there.
She stood out, so I remember her well.
Perhaps embarrassed, the girl who seemed to not want her face seen was wearing a hat even indoors—.
The girl in front of me wearing a cap overlapped with the girl from that time.
No way… but still.
“Could it be…”
“Did you finally remember?”
Ryo took off her cap and smiled.
If I could make an excuse for not noticing, it was a relationship where we had only met exactly once over a year ago.
She looked like she didn’t want her face seen, so I didn’t stare and observe her either.
“You were a girl with an awfully good figure and aura, but…”
“S-Stop saying aura. Aura is just…”
Ryo fidgeted, looking thoroughly embarrassed.
“So, Hinosaka-san might not remember, but during the seminar, there was a part where everyone critiqued the ideas they brought…”
My memory gradually began to return.
We divided into about three groups and critiqued the story ideas we had brought.
“At that time, I happened to get paired with a strange person…”
There was one old man among the participants with rigid thinking.
“My idea was harshly criticized and torn apart…”
That old man persistently criticized the one young girl. The girl couldn’t argue back and was completely intimidated.
That’s why I—.
“At that time, there was someone who helped me.”
Don’t think your own ideas are the only correct ones. If you can’t understand other people’s values, you can’t write a good novel. I must have said something pompous like that.
“That person helped me. And… he said my idea was interesting.”
I can’t accurately remember the idea itself. But I remember being stimulated by her fresh sensibility.
“Actually… the points made against me weren’t entirely wrong. I was immature, unskilled, and had no talent…”
“No, no one is perfect from the beginning.”
Ryo quietly shook her head side to side.
“Being told what I had vaguely suspected myself somewhere, I was depressed. If things had stayed like that, I might have stopped writing.”
Even an attack from one person may look small, but if it’s direct, it becomes a deep wound.
Sometimes it hurts much more than an indirect flaming on the internet.
“That would have been a waste.”
“But I’m writing now, aren’t I?”
Ryo smiled somewhat fleetingly.
“Because Hinosaka-san was there, I am still able to continue writing.”
Connecting Ryo’s possibilities wasn’t my achievement alone, surely.
But being told that made me simply proud.
Ryo and I had already met a year ago.
That slightly changes the story this time.
“Is that why you tried to rely on me, saying we should cohabit?”
“When I saw you on internet TV, Hinosaka-san, I realized you were the person from back then… And what’s more, you declared your engagement to MARIA. If you’re the heir to KIMISAKAYA Bookstore… then you must be Kimisaka-san from the same school, I learned that at the time too. …But that wasn’t why I was thinking of relying on you.”
Ryo herself was probably surprised by the overlapping coincidences.
“The reason I blurted out ‘Live with me’ when we reunited the other day… was because I panicked, blurted out something weird, and couldn’t back down…”
“What kind of panicking is that?”
Though it does seem very Ryo-like.
“And since I had just run away from home, I had to go to someone’s house, so it all mixed together…”
I’ll interpret it as her being emotionally cornered.
“So yes, things went in all sorts of unexpected directions, but if I just convey my feelings without any embellishment—”
For some reason, only Ryo and her surroundings seemed to stand out.
All other extraneous information was stripped away.
It was as if only Ryo and I were in that place.
“I love you.”
Those words, unleashed without any adornment.
For a moment, I wondered what kind of “love” she meant, and was about to laugh it off as a joke, but I stopped myself.
I mustn’t run away from this moment.
“Thank you. But I have Arisa.”
I answered honestly.
“That’s right.”
The smile Ryo showed then was childlike and looked appropriate for her age.
“…I just want you to not misunderstand one thing.”
Then Ryo’s expression turned serious.
“I don’t think you’re a pervert.”
That’s a different meaning.
“To begin with, I don’t know if I truly love you or not.”
“That’s an interesting riddle.”
It creates a huge contradiction with her previous statement.
“It’s just… I found someone on TV who I was grateful to and thought was kind of nice. And yet… to be engaged to MARIA… Kimisaka-san. It feels like… a perfect superhuman like Kimisaka-san will take everything I, an ordinary person, want.”
Ryo was probably facing her own ambiguous feelings without lying to herself.
“But now that’s a fleeting illusion that won’t come true… but I felt like I’d regret it if I pretended it never happened just because it’s an illusion… Umm, I can’t say it well. Anyway, I just wanted to say it out loud once.”
“I understand what you’re trying to say.”
Even so, I probably only understand a fraction of Ryo’s feelings.
“Besides, while I’m an idol, I won’t fall in love with any specific person.”
The mischievous smile she showed as she said that was of super idol-level cuteness.
“So you absolutely must not fall in love with me for real, okay?”
“Doesn’t this make it seem like I was the one who confessed?”
“I’m joking.”
Ryo, whose resolve was set and direction firmly fixed, was as graceful as a lead actress in a movie.
“Was that what you wanted to say today?”
Ryo had a refreshed face, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
She probably also felt responsible for Arisa and me clashing this morning.
“Also, there’s something I want to ask you.”
Thinking the main topic was over, I had let my guard down a little.
“Are you really dating Kimisaka-san?”
“—Eh.”
Another one of Ryo’s specialty questions lacking in context. Is there a different meaning hidden behind it?
I waited, thinking so, but Ryo just stared at me.
So I had no choice but to face that question.
Normally, the answer was set.
We are “dating,” and we are “engaged.” End of story.
But against Ryo, who just spoke her feelings honestly, is a lie permissible?
“…Why do you ask such a thing?”
I asked, fully aware that it was a total evasion tactic.
“Because I don’t understand why Kimisaka-san tries so hard to stretch herself every day.”
“Stretch herself…?”
“I felt it living together. She doesn’t seem to be completely at ease at all. Even though she’s supposed to be your fiancée.”
“I… see.”
Arisa, competing against Ryo.
Arisa, whose writing pace had dropped.
Arisa, overreacting to the school issue.
There were various problems. But was the biggest cause of Arisa’s instability… me?
“I am… of course, Arisa’s fiancé.”
Sticking to the premise, I said.
“But I believe many things should wait until she’s an adult. It’s still too early right now… so maybe it looked that way because of that stance.”
But had I properly communicated that to Arisa?
If Arisa was afraid that I would leave her…
“I see. So that’s how it is.”
“There were parts where I… was in the wrong too. Thank you for making me realize it.”
I had committed a blunder without knowing it.
“Then you have to act properly in a way befitting Kimisaka-san’s fiancé, okay?”
For just this moment, Ryo looked older.
“…Yes.”
“Now I have no regrets.”
“Hey, Ryo. Saying it’s your last request, or that you have no regrets, what’s going on?”
“I’m thinking of giving up on aiming to be an author.”
“Why!?”
I raised my voice. A few people in the park turned around.
“Ah, sorry. …It’s not my place to say, but you’re fighting right now betting on that, aren’t you?”
“Of course, I have no intention of throwing the contest. I intend to win for real. But… even if I win here, I’ve already realized that I have no talent.”
“Didn’t you want to become an author?”
“Yes, it’s my biggest goal.”
But, Ryo continued.
“Just liking it isn’t enough to make it work. Isn’t that something you understand well too, Hinosaka-san? Because talent is cruel.”
I truly wished I had talent like Lemon’s too.
If I did, I could have published a book all by myself and perhaps changed the world of books and bookstores.
“From now on, it’ll be an era where people like Lemon-sensei and my brother will be even more active. Surely Arisa Kimisaka is among them too. But there is no place… for me there.”
Though the degree might differ, I must have thought something similar somewhere at some time.
“…I envy people like Kimisaka-san.”
But, that’s wrong, isn’t it?
Putting myself on a shelf, I ended up thinking that.
Because she still doesn’t know if she has talent or not. No, that’s wrong. Even if she doesn’t have talent. Wait, in the first place, what is talent—.
At that moment, a phone rang. Not mine, but Ryo’s smartphone.
“Ah… I didn’t put it on silent mode…”
Ryo had set different ringtones for different individuals.
Therefore, when this idol-style song—a song belonging to The Sisters, the group Ryo is affiliated with—played, I knew the caller was Keiji Takemi, Ryo’s father.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
The song continued to play. It was entering the chorus.
“It’s because I contacted him… saying I’d be going home soon…”
“If you need me to, I’ll listen with you, you know?”
The one time Ryo’s father called before, Ryo used a video call.
That was probably because she wanted someone to listen with her.
Ryo, who had taken out her smartphone, showed hesitation just one more time, and then answered the call.
『Has your defeat already been decided?』
The very first sentence began with such cold words.
“No. I have no intention of losing either. I just… judged that it’s a good time to quit.”
『So you’ve resolved to study abroad. Even if you don’t worry, I will prepare the best environment for you. If you start living a life totally devoted to studying like your life depends on it from now on, you can become a doctor. Because that’s a world where you can cover up a lack of talent with effort.』
It shouldn’t be that simple. But it’s true that in the realm of studying, effort rarely betrays you.
“…Yes.”
It’s not my place to interject in Ryo’s life.
Perhaps studying abroad might be a happier life for Ryo.
Even so.
I moved next to Ryo and got into the frame of the smartphone camera Ryo was holding.
“Why don’t you support her?”
I met eyes with Ryo’s father through the smartphone camera.
“H-Hinosaka-san…”
『…You again. …No, since you’re living together, it’s natural, I suppose. This is a problem between us, parent and child.』
“Isn’t it a parent’s job to make sure their child can smile?”
『I’ll agree with that thought. However, a smile that includes their future.』
That is also one way of thinking.
“But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to make her look gloomy right now.”
I want to think of the best way for Ryo to keep smiling all the time.
『It would be fine if future success were guaranteed. But to let her chase after an impossibly low probability and cling to talent she doesn’t possess is a waste of time.』
“Even so, isn’t believing in her the role of the person who can be closest to her!?”
『It is also irresponsible to just let her do whatever she wants.』
That was an educational policy completely opposite to President Kimisaka letting Arisa do as she pleases.
『Preoccupied with an industry like being an author, which has no possibilities from the start. She can probably only be an idol right now, too.』
“You can’t definitively say it has no possibilities, can you?”
『I feel bad for you working in the publishing industry, but… aside from some specialized books, it doesn’t really matter if books disappear, does it? Now that entertainment has flooded the market, I don’t think the market size will expand any further. Can you say that books are more important in this world than IT or medicine? Do they change the world?』
“I think they are just as important. And I also believe they can change the world.”
『The dreamy era where books and music change the world should have ended in the last century, though.』
Ryo’s father and I were standing in different places.
『…Well, I don’t particularly want to debate with you. …Since Ryo said she was coming home, I called to make arrangements… Well, whatever. That contest thing is still ongoing, right, Ryo?』
“Y-Yes.”
『Then I will wait as promised until then. So you must keep your promise too, Ryo. Absolutely.』
“…Understood.”
『If you’re going to say that books have potential, or that Ryo has talent, then prove it to me.』
Ryo was intimidated by his overbearing attitude.
So, for just this moment, I spoke for her.
“I’m sure you will see the potential of books and Ryo-san.”
『Show it with results, not just words.』
With a click, the call was unilaterally cut off.
I suddenly realized I had been speaking as if caught up in a fever.
I intruded far too much into a conversation between a parent and child…
“Sorry, Ryo.”
“What are you… picking a fight for without permission!?”
Ryo pounded on my chest with both hands.
“I-I said I’m sorry.”
“If you hadn’t been so aggressively hostile, even if I lose, I might have been able to extract a compromise.”
“Guh, that’s…”
“…I’m joking.”
Ryo grabbed my clothes and buried her face in my chest.
“I’m happy… that you argued back for me.”
After letting my hands wander, having lost a place to go, I patted Ryo’s back with just one hand.
“Well, there were parts where I was personally pissed off too.”
“Even though I’m supposed to be… an enemy to paper books right now.”
“He said books are unnecessary, after all. Paper or digital, it doesn’t matter, right?”
“That’s true.”
I waited a while for Ryo to calm down.
“…Thank you.”
Ryo pulled away from me and wiped her eyes.
I didn’t see any tears, so I don’t know if Ryo was actually crying.
Then, I suddenly realized.
Could the current scene have been photographed?
If taken out of context, it would look exactly like I was embracing Ryo.
But for a photographer to follow us all the way to a place like this—.
I looked around, and indeed, there were no photographers.
But instead, there was another person there.
And it might have been the one person who absolutely shouldn’t have witnessed this.
“…………Kenichi-san?”
Arisa stood there, her eyes wide open.
She was holding paper bags in both hands. I could see groceries. Perhaps she had finished her modeling shoot and was enthusiastically planning to cook a delicious meal today. Also to make up for our argument this morning.
And on her way back from shopping, she found us, and…
Seeing Arisa turn pale, I hurriedly opened my mouth.
“Arisa, I don’t want you to misunderstand…”
With a thud, the paper bags Arisa was holding fell to the ground.
Arisa turned her back and started running like a frightened rabbit.
“Wait! Let me ex—”
This is bad. Arisa probably interpreted this in a weird way.
“Run, go after her!”
“…Sorry. We were right in the middle of…”
“No, my business is finished.”
Ryo smiled brightly.
“So hurry! I’ll pick up Kimisaka-san’s bags!”
With Ryo pushing my back firmly, I started running.
“…You’re too fast!?”
Arisa sprinted through the streets.
Even though she’s a girl, my opponent is an active middle schooler.
For an out-of-shape old guy like me, it’s tough to chase her.
My heart was pounding so loudly I thought it would burst.
Passersby were surprised by Arisa sprinting full tilt, and even more surprised by me chasing after her.
At this rate, I might be mistaken for a suspicious person chasing a runaway middle school girl…!
Arisa headed towards areas with more people. Is she planning to blend into the crowd?
As the number of people increased, more people turned back to look at me with suspicious faces.
If Arisa and I were the same age, would the reaction be different?
Just because of our age difference, we are inevitably subjected to critical gazes from society.
That can’t be helped.
But that doesn’t mean I should use that age difference as an excuse for various things.
Between Arisa and me, age has nothing to do with it.
Did my tenacity finally bear fruit in this desperate chase?
The light turned red at a scramble crossing. A chance.
Blocked by the signal, Arisa stopped.
—That’s where I caught her.
“Arisa! Haa… haa… Wait, let me catch my breath for a second…”
I grabbed Arisa’s arm so she couldn’t run away and took deep breaths.
Breathing heavily like this, I really looked like a pervert. I felt stares from all around.
After taking some time, I finally had enough leeway to speak.
“I might have caused a misunderstanding, but I was just talking normally with Ryo. Just now was just me comforting her… well, it’s hard to explain, but.”
“…What kind of excuse are you making?”
Arisa remained facing away, refusing to look back at me.
Perhaps the sweat had stolen her body heat; the arm I was holding was surprisingly cold.
“It’s not good for me to be strangely close to Ryo, is it? Since I’m Arisa’s fiancé.”
“Doesn’t that have nothing to do with it?”
At those coldly thrown words, the noise of the crowd faded away.
“Because we aren’t… actually lovers or anything, right? So you don’t need to make any excuses to me at all.”
The signal in front of us turned green.
The people around us started moving all at once.
But only the two of us remained rooted to the spot.
“…That’s right. Our relationship is a temporary one. But.”
“What’s with the ‘But’ now!?”
Screaming, Arisa completely refused to look my way.
From the arm I was holding, I could feel her body temperature gradually rising.
“I’ve become obsessed with you, Kenichi-san! …Even though it’s not like that at all. Even though Kenichi-san doesn’t intend for it to be…”
Several people walking past turned back. I continued to feel their stares constantly.
Arisa is often clingy with me.
There was the reason of pretending to be fiancés for that.
She was just fulfilling that role to an excessive degree.
But when that reason is removed, what is the relationship left between us?
What does Arisa think of me, and what do I think of Arisa?
Haven’t I just abandoned thinking about it, telling myself that our shared fate hasn’t changed?
“I will think about your feelings seriously, Arisa.”
“You haven’t been thinking about them until now!?”
For the first time, Arisa turned to face me.
Tears welled up in her eyes, but she wasn’t crying.
“I was… thinking seriously about your life, Arisa.”
Caught up in the momentum, we declared our marriage to the world.
It was unavoidable, a necessary measure.
But there is no denying that I burdened Arisa, who is kinder and harder working than anyone, with something heavy.
The impact on her subsequent life is far too great. Therefore.
“I have a responsibility to make your life a happy one, Arisa.”
Until she can happily marry someone she truly loves, I, her temporary fiancé, will protect her life.
“My… happiness?”
“That’s right. But perhaps because of that, I lacked consideration for your feelings right now, Arisa.”
I intended to wish for and think about Arisa’s future happiness.
But that might have been just as self-righteous as anyone else.
Rather, my eyes were drawn only to the Arisa smiling in the future, and I ignored the feelings of the Arisa right now.
“About the school issue too, I… ignored your feelings, Arisa. I’m sorry.”
“…About school…”
“Let me face your problems, Arisa. More than I have until now. Because…”
I lacked resolve.
I was coasting on the position of “temporary.”
I want to face her in the true sense, without using that as an excuse.
Therefore, I will declare it.
No matter how many times, in whatever public place.
“You are my wife!”
Perhaps someone noticed that Arisa was MARIA, as some people pointed their smartphones at us.
Perfect. Let them see.
“K-Kenichi-san…!”
Arisa, teary-eyed, turned bright red.
“No matter what… this is embarrassing.”
“S-Sorry.”
She usually gets clingy on her own, but when she gets shy like this, it makes me embarrassed too.
“…Shall we move?”
“…Y-Yes, let’s.”
We secured a table in the back at a nearby shop that combined a cafe and a bookstore.
It was a shop that leaned more towards being a cafe.
It was a relaxing space with the warmth of wood, and we didn’t have to worry about the stares of other customers.
From being under public scrutiny, we were now close to being in a space just for the two of us.
The sudden change in situation from earlier felt a bit embarrassing.
Arisa seemed to feel the same.
“Why are you looking around restlessly?”
“Because, right!? Being told something like that… something like that…”
Blushing, Arisa looked down.
I’m pretty sure she says similar things to me all the time, but… I guess there’s a difference between saying it “pretending” and saying it “seriously.”
But since I declared I would face her properly, I will speak seriously.
“We are fake fiancés to each other, and I thought that relationship would continue.”
Not forever. But the relationship should continue long enough that the end isn’t visible right now.
“We’re in the same boat, right?”
We are a “fake” couple who declared our marriage to the whole world.
“In my mind, that was a given. But I still thought a line had to be drawn because it’s ‘fake’, so I usually took a cold attitude towards you, Arisa.”
It made me itchy to be doted on by a girl this cute and perfect in every way.
“If that made you anxious, Arisa… I’m really sorry.”
Arisa took a sip of her warm latte and exhaled.
“…Even though our marriage is decided.”
“Hm?”
“You don’t properly say ‘I love you’, so I’m like a girlfriend feeling anxious.”
“It’s the same kind of thing, yeah.”
“It’s also partly me just getting impatient on my own. …Thinking I might get thrown away soon.”
“That would never happen!”
It seems I raised my voice too much; I drew the attention of a staff member.
“I will cherish you, Arisa. And I will definitely make you happy. I promise.”
“Tsk…!”
Arisa pursed her lips into a strange shape, her cheeks dyeing a deep red.
“That… is completely… a proposal…”
She swayed her head as if steam were shooting out of it.
Then, reversing course, she shook her head side to side like a wet dog.
“If Kenichi-san is making that resolve… then it’s not okay for me to hide my problems either, right?”
I told her she didn’t have to force herself, but Arisa asked me to listen.
Around her second year of middle school, Arisa took first place in her grade on a mock exam held outside of school.
Arisa, who had been secretly doing MARIA activities and tending to miss school a little before that, was suspected as to why she could take first place.
Rumors apparently spread that Arisa might have cheated on the mock exam.
The fact that her family’s KIMISAKAYA Bookstore accepted applications for the mock exam only fueled the rumors.
“I don’t think everyone believed it. But there were people leading it, and everyone didn’t exactly deny it openly…”
Only a few people were leading it, and it’s not like everyone else criticized Arisa.
“But I got scared that the rumors of a few people would spread to everyone. Not everyone actively believed it, but somewhere they thought without malice, ‘Maybe it’s true’.”
It was a flaming caused by rumors close to home.
Depending on the situation, a flaming in the sense of the general public might be better.
A flaming by people close to you rages fiercely precisely because it is direct.
“Everyone might be suspecting me. Thinking that made me scared to go to school.”
It seems she started feeling sick in places where there were many kids wearing uniforms.
Arisa even collapsed in front of me once—when she stormed into my company.
“I was also getting busy with MARIA activities right around then, so I just thought, ‘Forget school’.”
It’s probably a natural progression that Arisa, who had another place where she could shine, distanced herself from school.
“If you don’t go for a long time, it becomes even harder to go. …I gained confidence through my MARIA activities, but I’m still a bit bad with groups of uniforms when I’m not dressed as MARIA.”
“I see… if that’s the case.”
Hearing the circumstances directly from Arisa’s mouth, I was finally able to state my opinion properly for the first time.
“There’s no need to force yourself to go to school!”
“…………Eh? You’re not going to tell me to go to school?”
Arisa looked blank.
“If you want to go, you should go. But if you have a reason like that, I don’t think it’s necessary.”
“…I never thought you’d say it like that.”
Arisa let out a sigh as if her tension had broken.
“Did you think I’d just tell you to ‘Go to school’ no matter what?”
“Well… yeah. Ah~, but I see…”
Arisa faceplanted onto the desk.
“…I was the one making assumptions too…”
“I did say that generally speaking, it’s better to go to school… Even though I didn’t know the circumstances, I was half-hearted.”
Somewhere inside, I was afraid of influencing Arisa’s life any further.
“There are things you don’t understand unless you communicate properly, huh.”
That is a point I should reflect on as well.
“Then I want to ask you properly.”
Raising her head, Arisa glared at me sharply.
“Why were you hugging Ryo Takemi… in the park?”
“A-Ah, we weren’t hugging!”
As I frantically cleared myself of the false accusation, Arisa managed to accept it.
“Hmph. Well then… I’ll admit that it wasn’t cheating.”
“Thank you very much!”
Though I feel like saying thanks is somehow wrong.
“But… it must be tough. Her studies, her writing activities, her idol activities, she’s above average in all of them, yet she isn’t recognized. It might sound sarcastic coming from me, though.”
“You really do acknowledge her properly, don’t you.”
That’s exactly why Ryo is also conscious of Arisa.
“Rather than acknowledging… I respect her a little. I feel it doing MARIA’s activities, but it’s no ordinary feat to do other activities while going to school. I manage somehow because I skip school.”
Today’s Arisa is truly honest.
“And she even handles group life at school properly. It must be a pain having people around her ask for autographs and stuff. The sense of balance to firmly hold her own will and do what she wants to do while properly handling what she has to do? That is amazing.”
“You should tell her that directly.”
“…No way. It’s embarrassing.”
“She’d be super happy, and more than anything, it would encourage Ryo right now.”
“Then you tell her, Kenichi-san.”
“It’s meaningless coming from me… wait.”
At that moment, I had a flash of inspiration.
No, something that had been vaguely in my head was finally starting to take shape.
I thought that from my position, I couldn’t do anything for Arisa or Ryo as authors.
I thought there was nothing I could do, as someone who doesn’t have obvious talent and isn’t creating anything.
But that wasn’t actually true.
Precisely because I am in the position of a distributor, there is something I can do for them.
“Hey, Arisa.”
“What is it, Kenichi-san?”
“There’s something I want you to tag along for.”
“Store Manager Sekimoto, thank you very much. For accommodating my sudden, unreasonable request…”
I bowed my head to the store manager.
“No, no, it seems like you’re going to do something interesting.”
Store Manager Sekimoto looked amused, grinning.
“Please return the favor by revising our purchasing terms.”
“Pfft!? That’s a bit…”
“I’m joking.”
He seemed half-serious… The price for having my unreasonable request heard was high…
“…What are you plotting?”
Once the store manager retreated to the back room, Arisa asked me. She had a suspicious expression.
Well, anyone would be anxious being brought here without an explanation.
This is the event space of the bookstore after closing hours.
Stylish wooden tables and iron chairs are lined up on the bare concrete floor. Indirect lighting bathes the interior in a warm orange glow.
It’s a place that can also be used as a cafe when there’s nothing else going on. Events like lectures and workshops are held here.
And there was one more person there.
“Why… here now?”
I had called Ryo Takemi.
This was a place filled with deep memories for Ryo.
“The layout is exactly the same as back then…”
I had rented the space in that bookstore where the novel writing seminar Ryo once participated in was held, after closing hours.
“Let’s sit down for now.”
I prompted the two to sit. They were facing each other across the table.
I stood at the front of the venue, in front of the whiteboard.
“Well then, we will now begin the novel writing seminar.”
“Huh?” “Eh?”
The two girls blinked their eyes in surprise.
“There are two participants. My reward will be… letting me read your best works.”
“Hold on, Kenichi-san… what are you talking about?”
“You can call me ‘Sensei’ for this hour, you know.”
“Is this some play where you eventually make us call you ‘Master’?”
“No one said anything like that.”
But I understand why Arisa is bewildered.
“What are you going to do… by recreating this?”
I felt a slight tinge of anger in Ryo’s expression. As if she wanted to say her past was being defiled.
“I thought about what I could do.”
When I started speaking, both of them honestly lent me their ears.
“Actually, I’ve been worrying a bit. That I can’t do anything for the two of you.”
“That’s not…”
“It’s fine for now, Arisa. Listen to the end.”
I interrupted Arisa, who tried to deny it.
“There’s no doubt that both of you are recognized by the world, are active, and have outstanding name recognition. That is an amazing thing. I can’t even begin to compare.”
I’m not exactly deprecating myself by saying this.
“On top of that, you two are overwhelmingly younger than me. Honestly, it makes me want to be jealous.”
Just being young is dazzling enough, but with these two, it makes you want to complain about just how brightly they intend to shine.
“But I thought about what I could do, even as an old guy.”
What a third party like myself could do for the two of them, who are trying to create something.
“I don’t have any significant talent.”
I thought I had long since come to terms with that within myself.
But I was wrong.
“I thought I understood and accepted it, but… until now, I hadn’t truly faced it.”
I was just brushing it off as something that couldn’t be helped.
“Giving up because you have no talent and properly facing that fact are two different things.”
How much had I really thought about what I could do, facing them head-on?
“You know, I can’t even compare to someone truly talented and amazing like your brother, Ryo.”
I said I would fight, but there’s no way I can win by fighting head-on.
“I haven’t created anything that’s super obvious and clear to everyone’s eyes, have I? That might be the same for the job of a publishing distributor.”
The job we do is to deliver books created by someone else to the places where books are sold.
We don’t even sell books directly to customers.
From society’s perspective, it’s a job where it’s hard to tell what we’re doing, and its significance is difficult to convey.
“But, there are things… that only I… only we can do.”
Facing talent, and facing the amazing people around me, there was something I came to see.
“You could say a distributor is just delivering books. But if you change your perspective a little, you can also say a distributor acts as a bridge connecting a book written by someone with someone else. Ultimately, that means connecting someone’s thoughts and feelings with someone else.”
What is the essence of the role I play?
“Based on that, I tried thinking if there was something only I could do. And so, that’s why…”
The two were earnestly listening to my story.
Feeling a little happy about that, I deliberately paused before telling them.
“I’m going to have Arisa and Ryo write a story right now.”
I placed manuscript paper and pencils in front of the two.
“Eh…?” “Huh…?”
They both looked completely blank.
“Because this is a novel writing seminar, isn’t it obvious?”
“No, but being told to ‘write’ suddenly…”
“I said a novel, but an essay format is fine too. By the way, the subject matter doesn’t require any prior preparation.”
“Doesn’t require it?”
Arisa asked.
“You can just write about yourselves.”
“You say ‘write’ so easily, but I’m not in top form right now either, and Ryo Takemi too…”
Arisa cast a fleeting glance at Ryo.
Ryo was staring intently at the manuscript paper.
“You don’t need to overthink it. After all, you only need to deliver it to one person. Meaning,”
I pointed at Arisa and Ryo mutually.
“I want you to write directed at the person in front of you.”
Through their works, I am trying to act as a bridge between Arisa and Ryo.
“I write for Ryo Takemi, and Ryo Takemi writes for me… is that it?”
“Yeah. It’s difficult to write something directed at a complete stranger, right? But you two know each other well, don’t you?”
“That might be true, but…”
“Write your feelings honestly, directed at each other. You can think of it as a long letter.”
“Kenichi-san. …Isn’t this a pretty unreasonable demand?”
“Is this… a drastic treatment for my sake?”
Ryo, who finally opened her mouth, seemed to take it as being for her benefit.
“You’re free to think whatever you want, but this is a novel writing seminar. Also, there’s no need to shrink back worrying about showing something half-baked. After all, you don’t have to show what you’ve written.”
“I don’t have to show it?”
Ryo lifted her face, looking surprised.
“Then it seems doable, right? You just have to spit out what you’re thinking.”
“I sort of understand the intention, but…”
Arisa, however, seemed dissatisfied.
“Do I have time to be doing something like that? I have a manuscript I need to finish, you know.”
“It might serve as a hint for your manuscript too, Arisa.”
“I intend to write my usual essays honestly too, but…”
“Then it’s not difficult, right? Try writing it directed at Ryo. And the time limit is only one hour.”
“I can’t write that many pages in an hour, you know.”
“Meaning, a level you can write in an hour is fine. …Do you understand what to do?”
Forcing together Arisa, who still looked like she wanted to complain, and Ryo, whose feelings weren’t fully in it yet, I gave the signal.
“Ready, start!”
That said, it wasn’t like their hands started moving immediately.
“Even if you say that, writing is difficult. The point is to just write whatever comes to mind, I guess… Either way, I can’t write unless I become MARIA.”
“No, Arisa is fine. In fact, I want to read what Arisa writes.”
“W-What I write?”
“Yeah. I want to know more about Arisa, not MARIA.”
Arisa is perfectly charming enough without anxiously trying to rely on MARIA like that.
Staring into her eyes to convey that, Arisa blushed and nodded with a small nod.
“…Understood.”
Arisa picked up her pencil and wrote one character.
Once she started writing, she smoothly finished one sentence.
“I usually write on a keyboard so it feels strange, but… handwriting is nice too.”
The sensation didn’t seem bad, and she quickly moved on to the next sentence.
In contrast, Ryo remained stopped.
“What’s wrong?”
“…I can’t write well.”
“You don’t have to write ‘well’.”
“It’s just that I can’t sort out my emotions… It’ll probably turn out really messy.”
“That’s exactly what’s good!”
I leaned forward.
“I want to see that messy side of you, Ryo.”
“No matter how you look at it, doesn’t that phrasing sound like a pervert?”
She directed a look of disdain at me. Why does it always end up like this.
But after thinking for a while, Ryo said it.
“…Will you promise not to be put off?”
“Why would I be put off? …If anything, won’t I be able to empathize?”
I don’t know how much my words helped, though.
“…Understood.”
Ryo also started moving her pencil.
At first, she wrote one sentence and erased it. Wrote another sentence and erased it.
But gradually, that increased to two sentences, then three sentences—and she began writing as if a dam had broken.
In truth, I wasn’t worried that it wouldn’t turn out like this.
Because these two are authors, enchanted by the written word.
Sentences were being churned out vigorously.
Even if they made a mistake, they didn’t use an eraser, but a strikethrough.
Additions were made in speech bubbles in the margins.
Ignoring even the proper way to use manuscript paper, the universe they held within them spread across the white paper.
In the quiet bookstore, only the sound of the two of them weaving words echoed—.
Even after significantly exceeding the one-hour mark, the two did not finish writing.
No, that phrasing is misleading.
Even past the one-hour mark, they never stopped, continuing to write intently.
“…Finished.”
“…I’m finished.”
The two set down their pencils almost simultaneously.
Both their faces were flushed, overflowing with a sense of elation.
“Were you able to write to your satisfaction?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes.”
“Then that’s good. With this, the novel writing seminar is completed.”
When I told them that, the two of them looked somewhat unsatisfied.
Naturally so.
I’ve written things myself, so I understand.
When you write something good, you want someone to read it.
That is what being an author is about.
“Since we went to the trouble, how about you read each other’s?”
At my suggestion, the two frowned.
“…Can’t Kenichi-san read it?”
“I want Hinosaka-san to read it too.”
“No, I’ll read it too. But you both wrote directed at each other, right? Then there’s really only one reader who should read it.”
Even so, the two hesitated while stealing glances at each other’s faces.
But eventually, they opened their mouths at almost the same time.
“I’m… fine with it.”
“Me… too.”
“It’s settled then.”
They exchanged their manuscript papers and began to read.
I decided to read the copies I had made.
…It’s hot. That was my immediate feeling upon reading it.
Even from the copies, I could feel this much heat.
How much hotter must the manuscripts, still retaining the warmth of handwriting, feel?
What they had written to each other was an exposition of their inner selves, more honest than I could have imagined.
Arisa wrote candidly about her inability to go to school. And, directed at Ryo, she openly recorded her inferiority complex toward Ryo, who managed everything flawlessly, including school life.
Ryo wrote about her anguish over lacking talent. She even wrote about her feelings of awe and fear toward Arisa as a talented individual.
The two were reading each other’s writing intently.
Through those sentences, they were now learning each other’s feelings.
“To think you felt that way…”
“To think you were carrying this…”
Feelings they hadn’t known about each other were now connecting through the manuscript.
Would this have truly been possible just by talking to each other?
If they had just talked, they might not have been able to sort out their own feelings, let alone convey them effectively.
By facing the manuscript paper, they first faced themselves and gave form to their thoughts.
The fact is, that “book” connected them, mediated by me.
If I hadn’t been here, Arisa and Ryo might never have learned each other’s true feelings.
That’s right, we who “sell” books aren’t just selling books.
We are connecting someone’s feelings with someone else’s.
“I used to… dislike you, Kimisaka-san.”
Having finished reading, Ryo voiced such a thing.
“Ah, even if I say dislike, it’s not that you did anything wrong… I was just unilaterally jealous of you. Because you have everything.”
There was no sense of tragedy in her voice.
“But… realizing that’s absolutely not the case, that you’re a normal person… I feel a sense of kinship.”
Her expression was somewhat refreshed and sunny.
“Just what did you think I was?”
“When I found out you were MARIA, I seriously suspected you might be a superhuman, you know?”
“There’s no way.”
“And yet, you’re worrying quite normally, just like me. The reason you don’t go to school is because of that uproar after all. To think you were hurt that much…”
Ryo bowed her head and apologized, “I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.”
“No, please let me apologize on behalf of our grade.”
Ryo leaned forward.
“When I heard the rumors back then, even though I thought it couldn’t be true… I didn’t do anything. And so… even when you couldn’t come to school anymore, I did nothing…”
Ryo bit her lip in frustration.
“Because you’re amazing, Kimisaka-san. So I arbitrarily interpreted that you’d be fine. You tended to take days off from school anyway, so I thought you just felt you couldn’t match this level…”
“I’m not that pretentious or elite. …But, I guess that’s how I was seen.”
Arisa laughed self-deprecatingly.
“I guess I was the one taking an attitude that made people think that~.”
“…I alone might not be much to rely on, but I want you to remember that you have one ally at school.”
Hearing that line, Arisa drew in a sharp breath.
As if to tuck those words away deep inside her chest.
Then, Arisa looked away and opened her mouth.
“…You seem to be saying you have no talent, but.”
Because her chin was resting on her hand, it was a little hard to catch. Was it on purpose?
“There’s no doubt that your writing gave courage to at least one person.”
She said it without ever looking in Ryo’s direction.
“And what’s more… it was this talent-overflowing me.”
Hearing those words, Ryo’s face filled with deep emotion.
“…Thank you.”
The two who had exchanged the manuscripts containing their feelings looked different from the two they had been before.
“Books… really are amazing, aren’t they.”
I thought so honestly.
“Because you put it into writing, there are things that get conveyed for the first time. And what’s more, even if there’s physical distance, or even across eras, it gets conveyed.”
Classics written hundreds of years ago still remain in this world today.
The act of handling such books and delivering them to someone who needs them is something the author who wrote them cannot do.
It’s something only those working in the publishing industry today can do.
“How about including manuscripts like the ones you wrote today in your works?”
“…I really wasn’t able to concentrate!”
Arisa suddenly shouted.
“Y-You scared me.”
“If you try to write about other themes while you have something caught in your heart, of course it won’t go well. …But right now, I feel like I’ve been liberated from my fetters.”
“Me, too. Right now… I can definitely write. I can face myself more.”
The two were itching to write. There was no need to worry anymore.
Manuscripts born from facing themselves would continue to be created.
And they would surely become books that move everyone’s hearts.
