Side Story: Fried Chicken

CHICKEN.

It was a sublime delicacy that had held humanity in its grip since time immemorial.

No matter the country, chicken dishes were included in its cuisine. There were places where people didn’t eat pigs or cows, even countries that prohibited alcohol, but chicken was eternal.

Why? The answer was simple: it was delicious.

In Japan, when a person came of age and found themselves crushed under the wheel of the salaryman life, they came to love chicken even more, just as they discovered a fondness for beer. Fried chicken, yakitori, lightly roasted chicken sashimi, charcoal-grilled chicken, chicken steak, chicken cutlet, chicken wings, mature chicken, and even chicken rice were all scrumptious. Even in a supporting role, chicken ticked all the boxes. Whether it be curry, hot pot, or a stew…most dishes were only improved by the inclusion of chicken.

Oh, to indulge in delicious chicken with an ice-cold beer while chatting with friends! Few things in life were quite as fulfilling.

“I want fried chicken,” I whispered without thinking.

“Fry yed chiccen?” Till cocked her head.

Khamsin repeated the words like they were some ancient incantation. “Furi ded chikin…”

They looked at each other, confirming that neither of them had a clue what I was talking about. “Lord Van, what exactly is this fry yed chiccen you speak of?”

“Is it some kind of food?”

I smiled painfully and nodded. “Right, right. Sorry. It’s something that doesn’t exist out here in the sticks. I was just thinking about how I’d love to have some one day,” I said with a wave of my hand and a smile.

They shot me grave looks. “Please hold on.”

“We will acquire this furi ded chikin for you.”

I could feel the determination radiating from their words.

Um, guys? I appreciate your loyalty so much that I could cry, but you’re not going to find fried chicken through gumption and hard work. Besides, making others do something you know is impossible is basically a form of torture as far as I’m concerned.

“Aw, thank you guys,” I said aloud. “But you’re really not going to find any, so don’t worry about it. I can probably make something close enough; just give me some time to think up a recipe.”

My words failed to deter them. “We’ll find it!” they said in unison, wearing identical frowns.

Till added, “We have business arrangements with the Bell & Rango Company and even bigger companies!”

For some reason, these appeals were accompanied by tearful looks. Why did it suddenly look like I was bullying them?

How did it come to this? All I wanted to do was prevent them from going on a wild chicken chase! “Fine,” I conceded. “In that case, let’s do it together, okay?”

My loyal friends lifted their heads. “Of course!”

I held up a hand and offered them a defeated smile, then raised my index finger. “How about we pay a visit to the Bell & Rango Company first? Now that they’ve expanded their market, they might’ve acquired some rare recipes or something.”

 

“I’ve never heard of this dish you are looking for.”

“Neither have I.”

No luck with either Bell or Rango. My companions’ shoulders drooped.

“…You haven’t?”

“Really?”

The merchants gulped. In their minds, lacking knowledge of this “foreign” cuisine damaged their professional pride.

After a moment, I let out a small sigh and put my business smile back on. “I’m sorry to have bothered you guys. How about we go check with the Mary

Chamber of Commerce? They have significantly more connections than the Bell

& Rango Company.”

“We shall accompany you!” Somehow this added another two highly driven party members to our quest for fried chicken. Did all merchants have this sort of competitive spirit? Even Till and Khamsin were suppressing chuckles as they walked beside me.

I was the one who wanted to eat fried chicken, but I was the least motivated of us all. That was kind of sad.

“Here we are,” Bell said, looking up at the Seatoh Village branch of the Mary Chamber of Commerce.

Rango stuck his head through the entrance and took a quick gander, apparently looking for someone. “Rosalie? You there?” he asked.

The woman in question poked her head out. She was dressed as provocatively as usual. “What is it, Rango—um, what? Lord Van!” She closed in on us and asked sadly, “Do you have business with us? You always go to the Bell & Rango Company first, so I’ve been lonely over here.”

I suspected she was putting on an act, but I also felt guilty for doubting her. She was a merchant through and through. Maybe I’ll swing by every now and then instead of always going over to the Bell & Rango Company…

As I considered this, Bell and Rango stepped in front of me like they were protecting me from a predator.

“Rosalie, you’re only here for a special one-month stay,” Bell complained.

“You’ll be headed back to the marquis’s territory after that, won’t you?”

“Besides, over half of the products we sell are from the Mary Chamber of

Commerce,” Rango added. “Lord Van doesn’t need to come here directly; you should be making more than enough money already!”

Rosalie merely smiled and tilted her head. Without a word, she lodged her fists into their stomachs.

“Gah!”

“Urgh…”

She ignored their grunts of pain and lowered her eyes, pretending to cry.

“How could they say such cruel things? Lord Van, you mustn’t believe their words. I just want to see you more frequently, regardless of business dealings!” she said, drawing close to me.

This was a true-blue veteran merchant, simultaneously putting pressure on those who defied her and making herself look like the victim.

Okay, maybe the act is a little too obvious. “Um, I’m here to do some shopping, actually,” I explained, pained.

Rosalie’s expression transformed swiftly. She corrected her posture and said, in tones of genuine curiosity, “My sincerest apologies. Are you looking for something in particular? Should I assume that since Bell and Rango are here with you, it’s not among the necessities and foodstuffs that we sell to them wholesale?”

I nodded earnestly. “Yup. It’s called fried chicken. Put simply, it’s poultry meat fried in oil. The problem is that I haven’t been able to reproduce the batter or seasoning.”

“I see. It sounds like fried ostrich might be similar to what you’re looking for.”

The specific dish Rosalie mentioned was the standard fried dish that was enjoyed even in the marquis’s territory. Ostriches were mid-sized bird monsters a little over two meters tall. As a trade-off for their tiny wings, they had powerful legs that made them good sprinters, and instead of feathers on their backs, they had flesh-colored scales. I found it hard to imagine what they looked like, but they were tasty. And because taking down a single bird yielded a ton of meat, they were something of a prized commodity when it came to foodstuffs.

That being said, fried ostrich tasted very little like fried chicken.

“Hmm… Ostrich meat has a tough mouthfeel, and it also has a peculiar taste. You have to season the meat pretty heavily to get rid of that flavor. It’s pretty different from fried chicken, to be honest.”

Rosalie put a finger to her jaw and looked up, thinking. “In that case, what about cockatrice meat?”

“What’s a cockatrice?”

Rosalie’s expression grew serious. “It’s a large monster whose meat is very hard to come by, and expensive at that. The meat can’t be preserved for very long, so it’s a precious food; you rarely see it even in the royal capital. It’s tender, and depending on how you season it, you can use it in pretty much any cuisine imaginable. I’ve heard it referred to as the ultimate meat.”

Bell and Rango stepped forward, their eyes wide. “H-hold on a moment!” yelled Rango.

“How’s anyone supposed to get their hands on cockatrice meat?” demanded

Bell.

Rosalie frowned at them. “I am fully aware that it would be difficult, but cockatrices are said to live deep within the woods and inside dungeons. It might be possible for someone who’s operating out of Seatoh Village to take one down.” But Rango shook both hands in the air, having none of it.

“Cockatrices are said to have devastating combat abilities thanks to their large bodies, powerful talons, and beaks. But the most terrifying thing about them is that they can breathe out toxic mist capable of paralyzing your entire body,” he explained. Bell nodded along beside him. “The mist is so effective and acts so quickly that adventurers call it a petrification curse. In fact, whenever the guild receives a request to slay a cockatrice, it’s handled as an urgent quest. The area where the beast was spotted gets sealed off, and only a special party assembled specifically for its subjugation gets dispatched. Most parties have an archer or a scout, but because there are hardly any mages, fire and wind mages are summoned from the nobility and royal court just to handle them.”

Cockatrice-slaying quests, it seemed, were treated the same as dragon-slaying quests: extremely dangerous.

“That makes sense,” I said. “And if they live deep in the woods and rarely leave, that would make it difficult for even Seatoh Village to take one down. If we could just lure it to the road…or, no, even the entrance to the woods would allow us to snipe it with our ballistae.”

Damn.

My shoulders sagged, but Khamsin shook his head. “Lord Van, you must not give up. I promise to deliver you furi ded chikin.”

“Huh? Yeah, but heading that deep into the woods would be tough for even Ortho and his party,” I replied, surprised.

He shot me a winning smile. “Fear not. I have a plan.”

With that, he ran off to find Ortho and his party. Rosalie was curious to know what he was plotting, so she joined us as we followed him to the Adventurers’ Guild. Another new party member for our fried chicken quest.

We arrived to find Ortho staring at the job board. “Oho, if it ain’t Lord Van! Need something?” he asked once he noticed us.

Before I could say anything, Khamsin stepped forward. “Ortho, I have a request!”

“Okay. What’s up?” Ortho tilted his head, wide-eyed at the abrupt request.

In fact, everyone in the guild was looking at us. Kusala and Pluriel approached our group. “Is somethin’ up?”

“What’s going on?”

“I want you to take down a cockatrice!” Khamsin declared at top volume.

Everyone stilled and blinked a few times. Then the spacious room collapsed into chaos.

“A cockatrice?!” Ortho echoed.

“Did someone spot one in the woods?!” Pluriel demanded.

“We need to hurry and evacuate the low-rank adventurers!” said Kusala.

As I watched them panic, it struck me that the cockatrice must be a truly lethal beast. “H-hold on, everyone. There haven’t been any sightings, okay?

Khamsin, you need to choose your words more carefully.”

Khamsin lowered his head. “M-my apologies!”

Seeing Khamsin apologize, Ortho and his party realized that this was not, in fact, an urgent quest. Relief washed over Pluriel’s face and she flashed us a wry smile. “So a cockatrice hasn’t been sighted?”

“You can’t scare us like that,” Kusala said, also smiling.

The panic in the guild gradually faded. Ortho looked around the room, glanced at Khamsin, then turned to me. “I’m not really followin’. Is there a reason you need to take down a cockatrice?”

I hesitated. How could I tell him that it was all so I could eat fried chicken?

But Khamsin, unaware of my hesitation, blurted out our little quest’s true goal. “So I can deliver fried chickens to Lord Van!”

“You really just went and said it, huh?” I shifted my weight uncomfortably as Ortho tilted his head.

“F-fried chicken? What exactly is that?”

That I could practically see the question marks hovering over Ortho’s head only made me feel worse. Sadly, Khamsin’s rampage of terror could not be stopped. “The ultimate cuisine that Lord Van desires!”

Again, he just went and said that this was all so I could satisfy my appetite! Stop, Khamsin. I’m begging you. This is so embarrassing I could die.

Incapable of hiding my own shame, I covered my face and ran for the nearby wall. However, instead of cruel laughter, the guild rang out with surprised voices as people ruminated over Khamsin’s words.

“Th-the ultimate cuisine?”

“It’s for food?”

In fact, everyone around us looked…kind of excited.

“Lord Van’s eaten dragon meat, and he’s calling this the ultimate cuisine?” “What could it possibly taste like? What sort of dish is it?!”

“You mean to say it’s more delicious than the meat we ate at the barbeque?!”

For the second time in only a few minutes, the guild was positively buzzing.

Confused, Rosalie asked, “What’s going on?”

Bell and Rango sneered at her. “That’s right. You’ve never been to one of our barbeques, have you?”

“Well then… Ha!”

“Ugh, you two are so annoying,” Rosalie complained. Despite her irritation, though, she was clearly intrigued. Turning toward the guild counter, she said, “I’m Rosalie of the Mary Chamber of Commerce. Have there been any recent cockatrice sightings? Any places where one might be lurking?”

Behind the counter, a bespectacled man looked down at some documents he had. “Let me see… No sightings, but there is a river source deep within the woods north of Seatoh Village. Going by previous incidents, cockatrices have often been sighted near spring water deep in the woods. Such areas have been poorly explored due to the presence of other strong monsters, however. And this is all just conjecture based on the inclination of the land and the direction of the water flow.”

Ortho nodded. “Then I’d say there’s a good chance we’ll find a cockatrice there. Especially since that’d be on the opposite end from the dungeon, where it wouldn’t have to deal with monsters coming out of the dungeon—a perfect place for a cockatrice to call home. Not to mention that it’d wanna avoid going to the mountains, which are home to dragons.”

He was using the guild’s information to formulate his own theory, and the other adventurers seemed to agree with his logic. Pluriel’s shoulders sagged, though, and she put in, “But cockatrices are a real pain. They’d be easier to deal with if they popped up in grassy plains, but trying to take one down in a crowded forest would be such an ordeal.”

Her words made everyone else go quiet. Except for Khamsin. “Don’t worry!” he said confidently. “We have Lord Van with us, and we have ballista-equipped war wagons and the machine bow squad! As long as we spot it before it spots us, we can and will win!”

The guild went quiet for a moment, then erupted with cheers.

“Oooooooh!”

“For real?!”

“In that case, we can take down a cockatrice, no sweat!”

The adventurers were acting like they’d already defeated the beast. I frantically waved my hands. “Everyone, calm down! If it was so easy to take this thing down, then adventurers would’ve done so already!”

But Ortho shot me right down, laughing. “Ha ha ha! Lord Van, the cockatrice’s hide is tough enough to easily repel an iron arrow. Its feathers are difficult to light on fire, and thanks to its large body, earth and wind magic are largely ineffective against it. But your ballistae are a whole ’nother story! I bet one shot would be enough to take it down, just like the armored lizards. If anything, large monsters should make for easier targets!”

I really don’t think we should underestimate this thing. Despite my concerns, though, Khamsin’s enthusiasm had lit a fire deep within me. In the end, I crafted a lightweight war wagon for the adventure into the woods.

Just like that, Khamsin assembled a team of adventurers and made his way into the woods to hunt down a cockatrice. The group members were happy for their reward to be a barbeque upon their return, but that didn’t sit well with me, so I decided to give them all the cockatrice parts aside from the meat. They were pleased with that proposal; apparently cockatrice parts were rare and fetched a high price.

“Are they going to be okay…?” I fretted from the safety of the manor.

Till and Arte nodded in tandem. Arte said, “They have the weapons and tools you prepared for them, Lord Van. Surely they will be fine.”

“We must concern ourselves with preparing for the fried chicken,” said Till.

Arte smiled and took a sip of her black tea while Till checked the ingredients she’d assembled for the dish. Apparently I was the only one who was concerned.

“Prototype number fifteen! What do you think?” Till asked.

I took a bit of the ostrich meat that she had prepared like fried chicken. “Yeah, this is nice and crispy. Just the right level of salt, too. All that’s left are the spices. Pepper, garlic, ginger, chili pepper, nutmeg… I’d love to use all of it.”

Till seemed confused. “I… I’ve never heard of most of those spices. Lord Van, where did you learn about these things?”

“Ah, sorry, sorry. Seems like I’ve memorized all the spices under different names.” I pointed as I spoke. “It’s this, this, this, and this. Man, what’s that soy sauce-ish stuff again?”

“You mean fish oil?”

“Yes, that. I think if we lightly flavored the meat with some fish oil, it’d end up even more delicious.”

“Understood!”

I came up with the ideas, and Till put them into practice. We were also getting help from a chef, though, so Till was able to try out all kinds of seasoning without pushing herself too hard.

Just as I was inwardly expressing my gratitude for Till, there was a knock at the door. Had the chef already added the fish oil like Till asked? “Come in!” A soldier opened the door, panting. “Lord Van, they’re here!”

“Who?”

Seeing me tilt my head at him, the soldier took a deep breath to calm himself, then spoke again. “Khamsin and the others have returned from their cockatrice hunt.”

“Uh, what?” I blurted out. I wasn’t expecting that report.

It hadn’t even been a week since the group set off into the woods, and according to the guild, it should have taken a month to track down the creature and then another week to slay it. Combined with the trip home, this was meant to be a two-to-three-month expedition.

And yet they were home after less than a week.

It was so absurd that I repeated myself. “Uh, what?” The soldier confirmed reality for me again, so I looked over at Arte, who then summoned Till from the kitchen so we could all go and greet Khamsin and his team.

We set out on the road outside of Seatoh Village only to be greeted with four carriages and dozens of adventurers. Khamsin and Ortho stood in front.

“We have returned!” declared Khamsin.

Ortho said, “We went and killed a cockatrice.”

I nodded in mute amazement. “Uh, what?”

For those not keeping count, that was the third time I said this.

The two of them smiled like little kids and pointed at the carriage. “It was a pain to track, but once we found it, we took it down in about five minutes.”

“Turns out that being able to snipe monsters from afar makes the whole process really easy.”

I couldn’t help but sympathize with the monster. “I-I see. Well, um, I’m glad nobody was hurt. Good work.” Having praised them, I went to check out the blocks of meat sitting on the carriage loading trays.

“Thanks to your knives, we were able to butcher the beast in half a day,” an adventurer told me. “Can we take the bones, hide, and monster stone?” “Yup, they’re all yours. Divide them as you please.”

“Awesome!”

I gave the adventurers the cockatrice parts as their reward, and they jumped for joy. Pluriel, on the other hand, didn’t look so pleased. “We’ve been marching on a strict schedule, so nobody’s taken a shower. I’m hitting the baths.”

Imbued with an aura of exhaustion, she preceded everyone else into Seatoh Village. I watched her leave, praised the rest of the adventurers, and then got started on my fried chicken.

 

By that night, the preparations were complete. I gathered the villagers

together and held a fried chicken party. “Citizens of Seatoh Village, thank you for gathering here today! As luck would have it, Khamsin and a group of adventurers have slain a cockatrice—the fearsome beast said to paralyze all who approach it! Let us give Khamsin and Ortho a round of applause for slaying such a terrifying monster. In celebration of their courageous feat, today I am holding a fried chicken party!”

After I finished my opening speech, cheers enveloped the village. Khamsin looked a touch embarrassed but proud as he was showered with applause and adoration. I smiled at the sight, then took prototype number sixty from Till.

“This is fried chicken, made from cockatrice meat,” she said with a nervous edge to her voice.

I nodded, smiling wryly. “Thanks. It looks delicious. Don’t mind if I do…”

I brought the tasty-looking freshly fried chicken to my mouth as everyone watched with bated breath, then took a huge bite out of it.

I chewed down on the crunchy layer of skin, eventually arriving at the tender meat below the surface. Meat juice flooded my mouth. The flavors of umami, slightly sweetened meat, tingling spices, and garlic danced across my tongue. The quality of the meat was such that it fell apart in my mouth, and it had the perfect level of fattiness.

“Amazing!” I yelled, hamming it up and prompting the crowd to erupt into cheers once more.

I shared my thoughts, and then everyone else dug into their fried chicken. The villagers went on and on about how delicious the food was. “Oooh!”

“This is incredible!”

“The umami is something else!”

Amidst all of that, Khamsin happily took a bite of his fried chicken and smacked his lips.

“Hey, Khamsin?”

He turned to me, his cheeks stuffed.

“This is the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten,” I told him.

Khamsin stilled for a moment, then broke into a huge smile.

“I agree! It’s delicious!”

I smiled warmly at the tears forming in his eyes, chewing my fried chicken.

By the way, once Bell, Rango, and Rosalie realized how easily a cockatrice could be slain, dollar signs (wha—?) formed in their eyes and they vanished. It went without saying that, days later, cockatrice-slaying quests appeared on the Adventurers’ Guild’s job board.