Chapter 4: Seeking salvation on the night road home.

During the break after the fifth period, Yua and I exchanged messages secretly so our classmates wouldn’t find out, discussing our meeting plans for after school.

Just as the plans were successfully set, the chime rang, signaling the start of the sixth period. However, my head was already full of thoughts about after school, so the content of the class didn’t enter my brain at all.

Once the post-class homeroom ended, I dashed out of the classroom first.

The plan was for Yua to go home once to drop off her things before coming to the Tsuzuki house.

Our houses are close, so walking back together wouldn’t have been a problem, but because of prying eyes, we settled on going home separately.

Besides, there was one thing I absolutely had to get done before she visited the Tsuzuki residence.

“I gotta clean my room, fast…”

Visions of manga books and cardboard boxes from online orders piled messily in my room flashed through my mind, and I could already see a future where Yua looked at me in exasperation.

As soon as the train rocked me to my local station, I pedaled my bicycle at full speed, tracing the route home.

Located in a residential area, this ordinary detached house was the family home I had lived in since I was born.

“Haa, haa… wait, huh?”

When I parked my bike and stood in front of the entrance, I felt something was slightly off.

Light from the indoor lighting was leaking through the gaps in the closed curtains, and when I touched the front door, it was unlocked.

For a split second, my spine stiffened, thinking a burglar might have broken in. But when I opened the door a crack and fearfully looked down at the entryway floor, I saw my sister’s shoes.

“Geez, scaring me like that.”

Normally, my sister wouldn’t be back from school at this time. She probably left early because I told her Yua was coming.

“Oh, you’re home pretty early today.”

Noticing the door opening, my sister came out to the hallway to welcome me—but,

“Yo… Welcome home, little brother.”

“I said quit scaring me!?”

White frills and a black ribbon on the chest—a cute maid outfit that left a strong impression. Seeing my sister in such unfamiliar attire and hearing that strange line, my voice unexpectedly went hoarse.

I couldn’t even imagine my sister, who usually preferred street-style clothes, wearing a maid outfit. I couldn’t suppress my agitation.

“What’s with that getup…?”

“Huh? What, you noticed? Sora, you actually observe your big sister pretty closely, don’t you?”

“I’m not observing you! This is just such an emergency situation that my brain is short-circuiting! Sis, who forced you to play this punishment game…?”

“How rude. Obviously, I’m wearing this voluntarily.”

“That actually makes me more worried.”

What kind of change of heart occurred between this morning and this evening?

“…Still, the fabric is awfully sturdy. It doesn’t look like a cheap cosplay costume; it’s actually pretty authentic…”

Covering my mouth with my hand, I scanned her from bottom to top, voicing my confusion at the high quality of the maid outfit. My sister crossed her arms proudly, narrowed her eyes, and grinned.

“Right, right? Actually, I made this myself.”

“You made this?! Do they make stuff like this at vocational school…?”

“Nope, total hobby. I made it night after night.”

“Since when do you have a hobby like that!?”

It’s amazing, sure, but still.

“Sis, I thought you weren’t interested in cosplay?”

“I don’t cosplay myself, but I like watching it quite a bit. Besides, remember? I’m an indiscriminate face-con. I like hot guys, but I like beautiful girls too.”

“Definitely don’t make that statement anywhere else.”

People will be creeped out, and they’ll probably misunderstand all sorts of things.

“Well, this outfit is technically a loaner. I wanted to dress up a good-looking girl in it.”

My sister spun around on the spot to show it off to me.

“But surprisingly, don’t you think it suits Big Sis too? Isn’t it unexpectedly cool?”

“Umm, well… yeah.”

“What’s with that lukewarm reaction!”

“Ouch!”

Pouting her lips in annoyance, my sister flicked my forehead with her index finger.

I wasn’t used to seeing her in this getup yet, but there was no mistake that it suited her. Even as her brother, I thought so, so a third party would probably rate her highly.

Also, I’d never say this out loud for the rest of my life, but my sister’s features are actually quite refined. She said she “wanted to dress up a good-looking girl,” but that criteria applied to her as well.

“For now, I get that this isn’t a punishment game. So, what whim possessed you to become a maid right now?”

“You know, it’s that. Yua-chan is coming over, right? I thought I’d at least clean the visible areas, and then I realized the maid outfit I finished last night was right there.”

“Why this timing, of all times…”

I could understand wearing a maid outfit for housework if I stretched my imagination, but don’t wear it on the day your brother’s childhood friend visits for the first time in years.

“Sis, please take off that maid outfit for now. What are you going to do if Yua sees you?”

“I’m gonna show it off.”

“Just take it off already!”

“Oh my, don’t try to strip me by force, Little Brother~.”

“I haven’t even touched you, so where’s the force?! …Wait, crap. There’s something I still have to do before Yua gets here!”

“If you need a DSLR, it’s on the shelf in Big Sis’s room.”

“I have no intention of doing a cosplay photo shoot for you!”

“Tch, and here I thought I’d get you to take some pics of me since we have the chance.”

Just take selfies or something. Also, take it off already.

We left school separately, but Yua and I took the same train.

Although she went back to her house once, if she rode her bike from the Yushiro house to here, she’d arrive in no time even if she pedaled slowly.

There was no time to be chatting leisurely; the doorbell could ring at any moment.

“Geez, you’re so restless, Sora. A guest is coming, so what are you planning to do in such a rush right now?”

“Cleaning, I’m cleaning my room!”

“Wanna wear a maid outfit?”

“Why would I wear one—”

—Ding-dong.

The moment the intercom rang, I shut my mouth.

I hurriedly pulled my sister’s arm, trying to hide her maid form somewhere, but while I was doing that, the door slowly opened.

“Welcome home, Yua-chan.”

Hearing my sister’s greeting, my hand slipped off the arm I was holding.

“What is this situation…?”

That was Yua’s first reaction upon coming to the Tsuzuki house for the first time in several years. Having witnessed this scene without explanation, it was a perfectly natural reaction.

However, I was so captivated by the appearance of her entering the house that I stopped caring about my sister’s outfit.

“Y-Yua? That outfit…”

“Huh? What the heck? She’s not a hot guy, she’s still just a cute girl.”

Interrupting my shaken words, my sister spoke first.

From my sister’s perspective, since she had heard about Yua’s appearance beforehand, she was expecting “cross-dressing Yua” to show up today—but the girl standing here now looked the complete opposite.

Her shoulder-length wolf cut was tied back in a single ponytail, and she wore a black dress with a white cardigan. I couldn’t hide my bewilderment at seeing Yua in such a feminine, non-cross-dressed state.

“It’s been a long time, Kanami-san. Thank you for inviting me.”

“No need to be so formal. You’re as polite as ever, Yua-chan.”

My sister laughed lightly at Yua, who had bowed deeply.

“Um, do you always wear that maid outfit?”

“Yep, always, always!”

“Don’t tell lies that cause misunderstandings!”

“If I start wearing it at home starting today, it’ll become the truth, right? How about it, Yua-chan, want to try wearing this too? Looking at you, I don’t think size will be an issue.”

“No, I’d rather not…”

“Don’t try to drag a guest you haven’t seen in years into your cosplay!”

“Ehh, what’s the big deal? It won’t hurt. Let’s get a photo session started.”

“We’re not starting anything!”

“Tch. Stingy.”

“Just how much do you want her to cosplay…”

I sighed in exasperation at my sister, who was pouting and complaining. Though, I did want to see Yua in a maid outfit.

“Still, this is totally different from the image I heard about. I was fully expecting the ‘handsome-guy-ified’ Yua-chan to show up, so I’m surprised in a way.”

My sister crossed her arms and leaned back, taking in Yua’s entire figure.

“Since it’s private time, I went with women’s casual clothes. I wear men’s stuff too, but I thought this might be better for this occasion.”

Our eyes met for a split second, but she looked away as if escaping.

“Heh, heh… Hmmm?”

My sister nodded, shot a glance at me, and smirked with a knowing look.

“It’s a shame I can’t see the handsome guy, but I got to see a cute girl, so I’m satisfied either way. It was worth coming home early.”

She spun around, turning her back to us. “I’ll leave the rest to you two young lovebirds,” she said, waving her hand as she headed back to the living room.

“Oops, forgot to mention.”

My sister stopped mid-step, seemingly remembering something.

“Sora, make sure you wear protection, okay?”

“Don’t go out of your way to warn me about that!”

I have absolutely no intention of doing anything that requires wearing anything. I mean, being told that makes me hesitate to even guide her to my room, you know?

While harboring complaints against the meddlesome maid who left for the living room, I stole a glance at Yua’s expression as she remained standing in the entryway.

“…Is something wrong?”

“W-What do you mean!?”

Probably… or rather, definitely, it was because she heard my sister’s unnecessary comment. Yua reacted to my question with a somewhat awkward demeanor, despite trying to feign composure.

“…Anyway, come on in. Before we go to my room, do you want to go too, Yua?”

When I asked while pointing at the washroom, she waved both hands frantically in front of her bright red face.

“Eh, you mean that…? B-But, I really don’t intend to…!”

“Ah… No, no, I don’t mean anything dirty! I’m just asking if you want to wash your hands. I just got home too, after all!”

“Oh… I-I see…”

She must have thought I was pointing at the bathroom right next to the washstand and misunderstood it as a roundabout invitation to take a shower.

Both of us became strangely self-conscious, and a weird atmosphere began to flow between us.

We were so innocent back in elementary school, but I guess you could say we’ve both done some “healthy” growing up… It felt like we were inching closer to adulthood, little by little.

☆

“…Crap.”

The moment I laid eyes on the scene unfolding beyond the open door, that word slipped out of my mouth.

It was my room on the second floor, where I had brought Yua.

As soon as I got home, I was distracted by my sister in her maid outfit, and then my attention was stolen by Yua in her girly clothes. Amidst the constant stream of shocks, I had completely forgotten.

Manga and textbooks were scattered across the floor and bed; cardboard boxes sat piled in the corner, left there because cleaning them up was a pain; and empty snack wrappers littered the low table in the center. In short, a “filthy room” completely unworthy of hosting a girl was spread out before me.

A wave of regret and remorse washed over me; I should have been tidying up and organizing my stuff little by little on a regular basis.

“Is something wrong, Sora-kun?”

It seemed she couldn’t see inside the room from where she was standing. Seeing me freeze in front of the door, hesitating to enter, she called out in confusion.

“Sorry. Could you wait here for a sec?”

“? Is there something in there you don’t want me to see?”

“It’s not so much something I don’t want you to see, but rather the room itself…”

“Don’t tell me you have dirty posters plastered all over the walls?”

“Like hell I do!”

Thanks to my sister’s comment, she’s already got that idea stuck in her head.

Yua stared into my eyes with a look of suspicion. If I forced her to wait in the hallway now, that suspicion would probably start looking like the truth to her.

“Sigh. Fine, I’ll let you see, but promise you won’t be turned off, okay?”

“Even as I said that, I was fully aware that it was an unreasonable request.”

I let out a sigh and reluctantly made some space next to me. Yua leaned in and peeked inside the room.

“T-This is…”

“Don’t say it. I know it best myself…”

“Fu, fufu… Hahaha! Oh, is that what it is?!”

Ignoring me as I covered my face with my palm in awkwardness, Yua burst into laughter.

“Is there something that funny about this room?”

“Sorry, sorry, it just came out! I was bracing myself thinking you didn’t want to show it because it was some kind of lewd room, but it’s just messy, right?”

She wiped the tears slightly forming in her eyes with her finger.

I thought it was inevitable that she’d be totally turned off if I showed her such a slovenly room, but it seems that was a needless worry.

If anything, thanks to the messy room, I feel like the weird atmosphere from before has blown away.

“So, with that said. Could you wait here or in the living room for just a bit? I’ll clean it up right away…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry about it!”

“Even if you say that, you can’t properly relax in a state like this, right?”

“That’s not it! I’ll clean this room up with you.”

“No, no, that’s way too much to ask! Making a guest help clean my room!”

“Isn’t leaving a guest neglected in the hallway or living room way worse?”

“Ugh, that’s true, but…”

I couldn’t find a comeback to her completely reasonable point.

If she went downstairs, my sister would be there, but thinking about it, leaving Yua alone with her is worrying in its own right. If my sister filled her head with weird ideas, we’d go right back to that awkward atmosphere.

“…Can’t be helped. Can I ask you to help me clean up?”

“Alright, leave it to me. Let’s knock this out quick! …Or at least, that’s what I want to say.”

Yua leaned in close, letting our shoulders touch softly.

“Before we start cleaning, isn’t there something you need to say first?”

Her voice sounded a little sharp as she peered up into my face.

“First…?”

“Geez, you’re so dense. Or maybe it just doesn’t look good on me, so you’re avoiding the subject on purpose?”

It wasn’t until she said that that I finally realized.

Yua’s girly clothes, which I hadn’t seen since elementary school… Apparently, she was bothered by the fact that I hadn’t told her what I thought yet.

“U-Um, right, yeah…”

Trying to say it now, I got stuck on my words and immediately felt regret.

Giving my impressions after the fact would sound like flattery even if I meant it, and more than anything, it was pathetic that she even had to ask.

Yua still holds at least some affection for a guy like me.

The fantasy she mentioned at the park the day we reunited—about how we might be able to “fulfill our marriage promise”—floated into my mind.

Even though Yua normally cross-dresses by choice, I could tell from her words and expression that day that there were some circumstances behind it.

Given that, the fact that she went out of her way to change from her boys’ uniform into women’s casual clothes might have been a “big step” for her.

Yua was acting like she was sulking on purpose, but to my eyes, there seemed to be a shadow cast over her expression.

“…Yua.”

When I called her name, she pursed her lips, looking a little uneasy.

Trying to put it into words was embarrassing after all.

Still, I should tell her my true feelings clearly.

“Cross-dressing suited you, but… those cute, girly clothes suit you just as much.”

“…!”

Yua’s eyes widened at my words.

As if a light had shone in, every trace of shadow vanished from her face. Letting out a giggling “Ehehe,” she turned forward and rested her head lightly against my shoulder.

“Hearing you say that, Sora-kun… gives me just a little bit of confidence.”

It wasn’t the cheerful voice she used with me, nor the gallant voice she used when cross-dressing; it was a sweet, melting voice. Hearing it made the heat rise instantly from my ears.

“Alright, my mood is totally boosted now! I feel like I can do my best cleaning up!”

“Glad to hear it. I’m counting on you, Yua.”

“Leave it to me, Sora-kun!”

Saying that, she lifted her head from my shoulder, knelt on the floor, and immediately started picking up the manga and textbooks scattered around.

“Still, you really made a mess of this place. Are you raising a burglar in here?”

“Forget raising one, I wouldn’t even want to let one in the house.”

Though it certainly looked disastrous enough to have been ransacked.

Following Yua, who had started cleaning first, I sat down on the floor and started gathering the plastic bottles and snack bags left on the low table.

“Should I put these textbooks on the desk?”

“Yeah. If you could just put them on the shelf attached to the desk… Ah.”

I looked up to answer her question, but I panicked and averted my gaze.

What entered my vision was pale pink underwear and the cleavage of her pale skin—seeing down Yua’s shirt as she leaned forward completely shattered my composure.

“Sora-kun?”

“No, nothing. Could you store them on the desk shelf?”

“…? Okay, I’ll put them there then.”

Tilting her head at my flustered state, she stood up and walked toward the study desk.

Maybe it’s because she isn’t used to wearing women’s clothes, but she seems to have very little awareness that she might be exposing herself.

Anyway, pink, huh… Just like when I saw her casual clothes, seeing a glimpse of her girlish side makes my heart race like crazy, especially since she usually cross-dresses.

“Huh…? Is this yours, Sora-kun?”

Yua called out to me from where she stood in front of the study desk, and I turned my averted gaze back to her.

“Oh, that? Yeah, it’s mine. Something I got a long time ago.”

What Yua was holding between her fingers was a ring.

Holding it up next to her face, she pouted her lips sulkily.

“Got it from who? A long time ago… does that mean junior high?”

“Well, yeah, it was junior high… but you’re really grilling me about this.”

“Because I’m curious! Like… maybe you got it from an ex-girlfriend or something.”

“I-I don’t have an ex-girlfriend! I’ve never even dated a girl!”

“Eh? You’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“What’s with that surprised look? …Are you mocking me?”

“No, it just surprised me… I didn’t think that was possible.”

I know she didn’t mean any harm, but coming from someone so good-looking, it felt like nothing but a taunt.

“So, who gave you this ring?”

“It was a birthday present from my sister.”

“! I see… I see, I see!”

Learning who the giver was, Yua looked somewhat relieved, and her mouth relaxed into a soft smile.

“A silver ring… The design is lovely, too. Kanami-san has good taste, doesn’t she?”

“Though I haven’t used it since the day I got it and tried it on.”

“That’s a waste. You should use it for everyday wear.”

“The size is too perfect, so once I put it on, it’s hard to get off.”

I stood up, took the ring from Yua, and tried putting it on my right index finger for the first time in a while. Then, to demonstrate trying to take it off, I pulled on the ring quite hard.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch…!”

“Wha—! Hey, are you okay!?”

“Yeah… Well, as you can see, it takes some effort to take it off.”

“In that case, maybe it’s better not to force yourself to wear it…”

I forcibly removed the ring and looked around for a place to put it away.

“By the way, Sora-kun, have your hobbies changed in the last few years?”

“Eh? What makes you think that?”

“I remember your room back in elementary school having much more of a ‘sports boy!’ vibe, you know?”

Following my gaze as she looked around the room, Yua spoke as if recalling the past.

“Sports boy”… I guess that image still remains within her.

Back in elementary school, I worked hard at soccer practice every day with a local club team.

Although I’ve taken everything down now, back then I decorated the walls with posters of my favorite players and uniforms, creating a stereotypical soccer boy’s room.

When I was an active player, my skills were rated pretty decently by the adults and teammates around me. Thinking back, the reason the elementary school me was so sociable and full of confidence—incomparable to how I am now—might have been because soccer boosted my self-esteem.

“Sora-kun, you’re not in a club right now, are you? And it doesn’t look like you belong to a team outside school either.”

“I retired from soccer in junior high. Because of an injury.”

“Eh… Sorry, I didn’t know…”

“You don’t need to worry about it. But, it brings back memories. Whenever you came over to play, we used to play ‘Winning Eleven’ together, didn’t we?”

“Right, right, we did! You never went easy on me, no matter when we played.”

“Gender doesn’t matter in competition. Going easy goes against sportsmanship.”

“Even so, you’d normally go easy on a beginner. …Back then, Sora-kun, you did nothing but play soccer except when you were with me. You went to school in your jersey or practice gear almost every day.”

Looking back, it’s true; I used to wear the uniforms of my favorite pro teams or sportswear from athletic brands as my everyday clothes.

Even though it was years ago and my own memory of it is fuzzy, I can’t believe Yua remembers it so clearly…

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you in plain clothes once since we reunited. Aside from your uniform, what style of clothes do you wear lately?”

“What style… I haven’t really thought about it, but I guess mostly simple stuff.”

“Tank top and shorts?”

“What am I, a mischievous little brat?”

The only guys who look good in that getup in high school are machos who spend all their time working out.

“Plain T-shirts or hoodies, maybe with a small logo or something. Bottoms are usually cargo pants or jeans.”

“Surprisingly simple. Not interested in fashion much?”

“It’d be a lie to say ‘no interest,’ but not really. I don’t even know what kind of outfit suits me in the first place.”

“Even when you try to be stylish, you might not really get it at first.”

Perhaps speaking from experience, Yua crossed her arms and nodded in agreement.

“But I think you can be stylish even with simple clothes! It’s easy to look clean and neat, too. Why not try different brands or items while keeping your current style?”

“Cleanliness… True, when you’re cross-dressing, Yua, you looked tidier than any other guy…”

“I pay attention to a lot of things when cross-dressing, after all! Just having that sense of cleanliness makes even someone like me look like I have a ‘handsome vibe’!”

I wanted to retort to that line with, “You don’t just have the vibe, you’re a genuine handsome guy,” but I knew I’d just feel pathetic if I said it, so I swallowed the words.

“Even if I don’t reach ‘handsome’ status, having a sense of cleanliness would probably make my appearance look a lot better. …But, how do you actually pull that off?”

“Maybe by taking care of the small details? For example, clipping your nails frequently.”

“Does just doing that really change things?”

“Even if it doesn’t seem to change much at first glance, I think the accumulation of that kind of awareness gradually turns into self-improvement, and eventually, it leads to being stylish.”

“…I see.”

An accumulation of awareness, huh.

I turned my hands over, checking each nail.

“They’ve grown quite a bit…”

“How long have you left those nails alone?”

“About two weeks.”

“Wow, you really don’t pay attention, do you? …But, maybe I can find some peace of mind in this?”

Yua scooped my hand up with both of her own and gazed at it quietly.

Touching her warm palms made my posture straighten just a little.

“What kind of mindset is ‘finding peace of mind because my nails are long’?”

“Because it’s proof you haven’t been out playing around with girls!”

“What kind of logic is that?”

The length of one’s nails and whether or not they’re playing around with girls don’t usually correlate. Though, in reality, it’s true I haven’t been playing around.

“…Still, Yua, your hands were always this small?”

Dropping my gaze to our hands, this time I held her hands back.

“You think so? I think they’re about average for a girl.”

When we held hands back in elementary school, they were about the same size as mine… but well, I guess that makes sense. Many years have passed, so it’s only natural.

“Your skin is paler than most girls, and your fingers are so slender and pretty… When you look closely, you aren’t really as ‘Prince-like’ as everyone says you are.”

“Fufu, I’m just normal. I’ll admit I’m pale, but I was in the volleyball club in junior high, so my fingers aren’t actually that slender.”

“They’re plenty slender… look.”

My hand naturally reached for the ring sitting on the study desk, and I slowly slid Yua’s finger through the hoop.

“See? Even this ring fits with plenty of room to spare.”

“…”

In that instant, her hand gave a sudden twitch.

“Yua…?”

When I looked up from her hand, her cheeks were dyed a deep crimson.

Yua tucked her hair behind her ear, her mouth moving wordlessly for a moment.

“…T-That’s just because your hands are bigger, Sora-kun. Of course it fits with room to spare…”

Pulling her ring-clad hand close to her chest, Yua hurried back to the cleaning. After a moment, she hid the lower half of her face behind a folded cardboard box and directed a steady gaze at me.

“This ring… can I borrow it, just for today?”

“…? I don’t mind.”

When I told her that, she set the cardboard on the floor and gazed longingly at the ring on her ring finger, holding it up so it caught the light from the ceiling fixture.

Apparently, she took a real liking to the ring my sister gave me.

☆

“Here, you’re in a growth spurt, so eat up, eat up! If you’re my brother, show some guts!”

“I am eating, way more than usual…”

I stared at the array of dishes lined up on the dining table, clutching my head while gently stroking my stomach as if to soothe its overextended limits.

After we finished tidying up the room, Yua and I spent some time there waiting for dinner to be ready. From around 6:00 PM, the three of us—including my sister—had been gathered around the low table in the living room.

Time ticked by, and the hands of the clock were just a few minutes away from pointing to 7:00 PM. However, a mountain of fried chicken and pasta still towered over the dining table.

“Ugh… You seriously made way too much.”

“It can’t be helped. I got too fired up because Yua-chan was visiting for the first time in forever, so I put in too much spirit, too much pasta, and too much chicken.”

“Even so, there’s a limit!”

“Now then, my little brother, stop being selfish and hurry up and stuff it into your stomach!”

“If I eat any more, I’m gonna puke…”

Even now, having changed back into her street-style clothes, my sister continued to rush me to “eat faster” in a tone like a violent maid. It seemed the chef herself had no intention of finishing it off.

Meanwhile, Yua sat in the seiza position next to me, resting her hand on her stomach with an apologetic expression.

“I’m sorry. Even though you went to the trouble of making all this, I couldn’t eat much…”

“Don’t worry about it, Yua. Sis just messed up the proportions and made too much.”

“Yeah, yeah, Yua-chan, you don’t need to worry at all. My brother is about to put on a competitive eating performance, so just sit back and enjoy the show.”

“The living room is going to become a disaster zone.”

I wasn’t joking; my stomach was long past its capacity. Even a single piece of fried chicken breading felt like it might cause a backflow.

“Everyone’s full, including me. Let’s just stop forcing it and eat the rest tomorrow. It’ll last at least a day if we put it in the fridge.”

“Guess I’ve got no choice. I really wanted to cackle while watching Sora’s puke-show, but I’ll let you off the hook this time.”

My sister opened her mouth wide and let out a laugh that lacked even a shred of grace.

I could only sigh at such a demonic remark directed at her own flesh and blood.

“Kanami-san, I couldn’t finish it all, but… every dish was delicious.”

“Nihihi. If you liked it, then making it was worth it.”

Seemingly delighted to have her cooking praised, my sister scratched her head with a grin.

While only the fried chicken and pasta remained on the table now, at the start, salads and soups had been packed tightly together, showing just how much effort my sister had poured into this dinner.

Though it’s hard to imagine from her usual rowdy behavior, she has been cooking every day since the upper years of elementary school, and her skill is top-notch.

She’s a great cook, dexterous enough to teach herself how to make cosplay outfits, and even from her brother’s perspective, she doesn’t look half bad… It’s a huge waste that her words and actions cancel out all her good points.

“Yua-chan. You want to pack up the leftovers and take them home?”

“Eh, is that okay?”

“Take ’em, take ’em! If I recall, you’re living at your grandma’s place where you used to be, right?”

“Yes, the two of us live together.”

“Alright, I’ll pack two portions, so hang on a sec.”

As my sister stood up to say that, Yua waved her hand to the side with a somewhat panicked gesture.

“…No, one portion is fine… please.”

“Hmm? You on a diet?”

“Not me… It’s just that Grandma probably already has tomorrow’s meals prepared. I’ll have what I receive today for my lunch tomorrow.”

“I see, that’s how it is. You get along well with your grandma?”

“I don’t know if we ‘get along well,’ but she’s like a parent who raised me… so I love her. I just don’t want to trouble her too much, so I try not to rely on her more than necessary.”

“Hoheー. If I were a grandma, I’d want my cute granddaughter to rely on me without holding back, though.”

My sister took a container out of the cupboard and began dividing the food using clean chopsticks.

“Well, you just got back here so I’m sure things are tough in various ways. If anything happens, don’t hesitate to rely on us. I’ll even loan out my brother for about a month.”

“Do I get no say in this?”

“A younger brother is the property of the elder sister, after all. The power of life and death over him lies with the sister, right?”

It was a total sisterly tyranny. However, hearing my sister’s words, Yua’s expression softened somewhat. Perhaps deep down, she had been harboring anxieties about her life in this city.

“If anything happens… Sora-kun, I’ll take you up on that loan.”

As I thought, it seemed my will was not going to be respected.

“Yua-chan has grown into a fine woman.” Once she had excused herself to go to the restroom, my sister, lounging on the flooring, spoke to me as I was carrying dishes to the kitchen.

“Yeah. I won’t deny that.”

“Geez, Sora, you’re quite the dark horse. Bringing a girl like that into the house is something these soft guys nowadays can’t easily pull off, you know?”

“That sounds terrible when you put it like that. You were the one who invited her.” In reality, the process of getting Yua to come over took a fair bit of effort, though…

“So, did you make any progress being alone together in your room?”

“Progress?”

“From any angle, that was a total setup for getting busy!”

“We did not ‘get busy’!”

“Even though you were alone in a room with a beautiful girl who’s both your childhood friend and classmate!?” She bombarded me with rapid-fire questions, wearing an expression of disbelief, but… we aren’t so starved that things would develop into sexual intercourse that easily.

“But look, isn’t it rarer to find a couple these days who hasn’t knocked boots before getting engaged?”

“Wait a second. First of all, she and I aren’t engaged.”

“You were in elementary school.”

“That was a promise from when we were little, so it’s basically past the statute of limitations…”

“When we meet again as adults, let’s get married”—it’s true we are technically engaged, and we both remember it, but she herself said she would “put the promise on hold” for now. The word “on hold” seems significant, but for the time being, I probably don’t need to think that far ahead.

“Aaaah, what a waste. It’s obvious she’s into you.”

“Leave me alone. It has nothing to do with you, Sis.”

“It has everything to do with me! If my brother marries someone with a good face, there’s a high statistical probability that I’ll get a nephew or niece with a good face. Ah… of course, I’d also welcome you ending up with a guy, you know?”

“I’m straight, so I’m not going to be looking at guys…”

“But Yua-chan usually dresses as a guy, doesn’t she? Don’t you ever feel your heart flutter when you see that?”

“She’s just dressed as a guy; on the inside, she’s a girl.”

If I said I “never” find Yua’s cross-dressed self charming, I’d be lying. At the park on the day we reunited, and again in the library today, there were frequent moments when my heart was shaken by being with her. However, that’s based on the premise that I know Yua is a “girl.” It’s just that, because her appearance is that of an androgynous boy, it’s confusing. Perhaps that appearance acts as a barrier, preventing me from taking that final step to see her purely as a member of the “opposite sex.”

“Anyway, how can you be so certain after just talking to Yua for a bit? Saying it’s ‘confirmed’ she’s into me is pretty irresponsible.”

“It’s not just talk; she was wearing the ring I gave you.”

“You noticed? For the record, I’m just lending it to her.”

“Even so, a girl doesn’t normally wear a ring belonging to a guy she has no interest in. Besides, seeing that was why I thought there had been progress in your relationship. I thought you gave it to her as a substitute for an engagement ring.”

“An… engagement ring…!”

I had lent it to her without thinking much of it, but is that how it looks to an outsider? Recalling Yua’s reaction right after I lent it to her, she did seem somewhat bashful. Could it be that she, too, was thinking of it as an engagement ring…?

I had assumed she was just keeping it on because she liked the design and wanted to see how it felt, but suddenly, I started to feel incredibly embarrassed.

“It’s not really my place to say, but don’t go around acting all leading-on, okay?”

“I wouldn’t do that. I’m not some kind of jerk.”

“People who lead others on unconsciously are actually worse than jerks.”

My sister spat a “Geh…” at me while sticking out her tongue, but I felt I didn’t deserve to be treated that way at all.

“Most of humanity, when someone they even slightly like acts as if they might be interested, their feelings tip all at once. …And then, it ends in heartbreak.”

“That sounds oddly personal… Did you get led on by someone?”

“I’m an adult lady, too. I see and hear things; I’m experienced.”

“Even though you’ve never even had a boyfriend.”

“You can gain experience even without one.”

My sister stood up and grabbed the remaining dishes from the low table.

“Leave the rest to me. Sora, go walk Yua-chan home. You have to be kind to cute girls.”

“Doesn’t that kindness lead to me being ‘leading-on’?”

“Not being treated with kindness hurts just as much as being led on.”

“…That’s a difficult balance to strike.”

“That’s why you should enjoy your youth while you can—to learn it.”

☆

Walking side by side with Yua, each pushing our own bicycles, we covered the five-minute walk to the Yushiro residence.

“It’s a neighborhood I know well, so I can get home by myself without you walking me, you know?”

“It’s fine. Even if it is the countryside, it’s dangerous for a girl to walk home alone at night.”

“Heh, you’re quite the gentleman, Sora-kun. So you’re treating me like a girl?”

“Well, because you are a girl.”

Even before my sister had said anything, I had intended to walk Yua home.

On these rural roads where there are no skyscrapers or shops, the lights from houses and streetlamps are sparse, and once it passes 7:00 PM, the surroundings become completely dark.

The quiet atmosphere with few people, which is characteristic of the countryside, also has a dangerous side that differs from the city where there are many passersby and security cameras.

Leaving Yua alone at night in her current outfit carried a constant sense of anxiety.

Her feminine and beautiful appearance—the black dress, the white cardigan, and her wolf-cut hair tied back—was bound to attract the gazes of men, myself included.

Her refined fashion sense, polished by several years in the city, and Yua’s own good looks didn’t quite blend into this rural setting; for better or worse, she stood out.

“It goes beyond nostalgia; I feel a sense of freshness… I haven’t experienced being treated like a girl in years.”

“You usually dress like a guy, so I guess that’s somewhat unavoidable.”

Depending on the person, many might treat her as a boy out of consideration, thinking, “Maybe she’s cross-dressing because she doesn’t want to be treated as a girl,” even while knowing she is one.

In fact, if it were any cross-dressing girl other than Yua, I surely would have interacted with her in a slightly different way than I do with other girls, even if I didn’t treat her entirely like a man.

“Sora-kun, if I were cross-dressed right now, would you have not walked me home?”

“No, I still would have walked you.”

“But if I were dressed as a guy, it wouldn’t be dangerous to walk the night roads alone, right?”

“Being a guy doesn’t mean you’re safe. There are all sorts of people in this world.”

“Does that mean you do that for other guys too?”

“What’s with that jealous-sounding phrasing?”

Normally, if a girl like Yua said it, it should have been “Do you do that for other girls too?” but since she is always in her cross-dressing form, I found myself overthinking it in a complicated way.

“In the first place, I have almost no guys I’m close with, and it’s never even become a situation where I’d walk one home. …And for the record, that goes for girls too, okay?”

“Heh? So, whether I’m in my male or female form, I’m the only one you walk home?”

Yua looked a bit proud, the corners of her mouth curving into a smirk.

“I don’t know how you can make a face like that over something that isn’t even worth bragging about.”

As it stands, she is the only person I’ve built a relationship with where I can have carefree, idle chitchat like this. Even though I’ve been a high school student for over a year, there’s probably no value in becoming the “only one” for a loner like me who hasn’t managed to make any friends like that.

“How should I put it… you’ve changed, Sora-kun. …After talking to you, I can see it in a lot of ways, you know?”

“In a bad way?”

“No! In the sense that you’ve become more mature!”

Yua denied my self-deprecating retort and gave a soft smile.

“…It’s not exactly that I’ve become mature. Since graduating elementary school, my opportunities to interact with people decreased, and before I knew it, I just lost my sociability and became quiet.”

Ever since I quit the soccer I’d played until partway through junior high because of an injury, I had become lethargic to a point where even I was conscious of it. To me, soccer was my only real talent and my strength—it was the “weapon” that allowed me to stand as an equal to others.

“Right after I quit, I was so shocked that there was a period where I couldn’t even go to school properly. …It was painful just looking at the posters and uniforms in my room, so I got rid of everything. After that, I just shut myself away and distracted myself with games and manga… Honestly, it’s pathetic.”

Back then, people gave me warm words like “Come back once your injury heals,” but as the months passed, they eventually stopped paying attention to someone like me who had become an outsider. In the club team and school activities, I was always moving with my teammates, but I was only ever connected to them through “soccer.”

If I had been more proactive about maintaining those connections, things might have been different. But back then, I felt an unbearable sense of inferiority and chose to distance myself. As a result, having lost even my confidence, I began to avoid social interaction altogether. After entering high school, I started living my life by drawing a line between myself and others.

“You’re admirable, Sora-kun.”

Yua suddenly came to a halt and murmured while looking down.

“What part of that story was admirable?”

“Because some people hit a rough patch and just shut themselves away forever. You overcame that and you’re attending school now, so it’s an admirable and amazing thing.”

Following her lead, I stopped walking. She stepped closer to me, spreading her palm and reaching out her arm.

“You’ve worked hard, Sora-kun.”

Yua’s small, warm hand gently touched my head. “You did great, you did great,” she said, stroking my hair down repeatedly as if combing it.

“…”

Even though it had been years since I quit soccer, I could feel the lingering, persistent pain that had remained within me being slowly purified. I had been consoled before, but no one had ever praised me for it. To not be miserably pitied, but to have my current self affirmed—to the me of right now, it was the ultimate “salvation.”

Just then—the space in front of us was suddenly filled with light as a car passed by.

“T-That’s enough, thank you.”

The car’s headlights and the sound of it driving off snapped me back to reality, and a wave of embarrassment immediately rushed over me. I quickly moved away from her hand and averted my gaze.

“I’m pretty sure something similar happened back in elementary school, too.”

“Did… it?”

“You know, when I went to cheer for you at your soccer match!”

“? Ah, oh—…”

Come to think of it, back then, Yua had treated me exactly the same way as she did today.

I had been so eager to show off in front of her after she came to cheer me on, but I ended up trying too hard and couldn’t score a single goal. On the way home, I was incredibly depressed from the frustration. As she stroked my head back then, Yua alone offered me words of salvation. It wasn’t mindless consolation or praising some other play; she simply affirmed my current state, saying things like, “It’s amazing that you can feel this frustrated,” or “It’s admirable that you can already think about working hard for the next time.” Perhaps being with Yua feels so comfortable because she says exactly what I need to hear.

“Really… even if your appearance has changed, you’re exactly the same as you were back then on the inside.”

The more I talk to her, the more I am enveloped in nostalgia. Memories I had almost forgotten overlap with reality, coming back to me vividly. However—that is precisely why the image of her that remains in my memory doesn’t mesh with her usual cross-dressing self, creating a sense of incongruity in my mind. Even though she is wearing women’s clothes now, there are moments when her cross-dressed figure flickers in the back of my mind. That other version of her is burned into my brain as such a powerful impression.

“Hey, Yua.”

“What is it, Sora-kun?”

“…Can I ask you something?”

At my serious gaze, Yua’s eyes widened for a moment. Perhaps she had guessed what I was going to ask; she lowered her face as if bracing herself.

“Go ahead. …I figured it was about time.”

“…I see.”

I racked my brain, trying to figure out how to frame the question. What I was trying to find out was a significant matter for Yua, and I was sure it would be a necessary conversation for our relationship moving forward. I once again recalled our interaction at the park on the day we reunited. The first-person pronoun that had changed from the “Atashi” of her elementary school days to “Boku” before I knew it. The school uniform, meant for male students rather than female students—since when, and why, did she start cross-dressing?

That day, Yua told me there was “no major reason.” She said it with a look of sadness, as if she were forcing herself to hide her true feelings. Her claims that she “had an admiration for cool clothing” or that “using the pronoun ‘Boku’ was just to set the mood for cross-dressing” might not have been lies. However—there was almost no doubt that those weren’t her true motives either.

“To be blunt, what is the ‘real reason’ you cross-dress, Yua?”

Her reaction was as if to say, So it’s that after all. Yua’s eyes darted left and right, her fingertips restlessly stroking the handlebars of her bicycle.

“Sora-kun, can we walk a little further ahead?”

Forcing a smile, she pointed toward the light of a vending machine visible in the distance.

“If I’m going to talk about this… I want to calm my heart down a little more.”

“…Yeah, I understand.”

As Yua rolled her bicycle forward, her back seemed slightly hunched and devoid of strength. My own footsteps as I followed her grew heavy, as if a physical weight had been added. The gravity of the subject I was about to step into felt as though it were vibrating through my entire body. After kicking out the kickstands of our bikes in front of the vending machine, Yua sat down on a nearby bench.

“Straight Afternoon Tea okay?”

“Whoa. How did you know that’s what I wanted to drink?”

“You’ve liked it since we were kids, and you’re the type to keep buying the same thing once you’ve decided you like it.”

“I guess you really can see right through me.”

“I only know things up to elementary school. …That’s why I want to know about the ‘current’ you, too.”

I handed one of the two drinks I bought to Yua and sat down next to her.

“Thanks, Sora-kun.”

“Don’t worry about it. Consider it an apology.”

“An apology?”

“Because you hid the real reason for cross-dressing because it was painful to be interrogated about it, right? So, this is an apology for trying to pry it out of you anyway…”

“Geez, I told you, you don’t need to worry about it. I wanted to tell you the truth someday anyway, and if things stayed like that… I’m sure a lingering fog would have stayed in my heart forever.”

While holding the plastic bottle with both hands, Yua peeked into my face.

“Besides… if I really hated it, you wouldn’t have tried to force an answer out of me, would you?”

“Well, obviously.”

“Then there’s even less reason to worry. I know the question comes from you caring about me.”

“I’m still taking the tea, though,” she said with a laugh before taking a sip.

Though it was only slight, her mind seemed to have calmed down. Yua leaned her weight against the backrest of the bench and dropped her gaze to the opening of the bottle.

“No matter what I say now, you won’t be disappointed?”

“There’s no way I would be.”

“…Good.”

For a few seconds, the sound vanished as if time had stopped. Tension rippled through the air, and I swallowed hard.

“You see… I was being bullied.”

My eyes widened at the fact uttered from Yua’s mouth.

“…Bullied? You, Yua?”

Hearing my voice, she nodded.

“Was that back in elementary school? Who was it? Give me their name!”

A sudden surge of anger rose within me, and I raised my voice. Then, Yua placed her index finger against my lips and told me to “calm down.”

“Fufu. Whenever something happened to me, you always got angrier than I did, didn’t you, Sora-kun?”

“…Sorry. I lost my cool.”

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t being bullied back when we went to the same school. It was right after I moved away and started junior high.”

Even being told that, I couldn’t maintain my composure knowing she had been subjected to bullying.

“Wait, was the reason you moved back here to escape the bullying…?”

“No, the bullying stopped once I became a high school student. And this move was because of my mom’s circumstances, not mine.”

“Is that… so…”

“Though the reason I started cross-dressing… was because of the bullying in junior high and my mom.”

Yua took a slow breath in and out, steadying her breathing. I didn’t ask any further questions; I simply waited quietly for her to speak.

“You probably can’t imagine this, since you knew me back then… but in junior high, a boy confessed to me for the first time.”

Precisely because I knew her back then, it was perfectly natural for Yua to receive a confession; it wasn’t surprising at all. In elementary school, Yua’s appearance was exceptionally lovely even compared to the whole school, and combined with her modest and kind personality, the boys looked up to her as an “unreachable flower.” She didn’t seem to notice it herself, but as far as I knew, I remember there were many boys even just within our class who harbored feelings for her.

“And? Did you date that guy?”

“I turned him down. …I told him, ‘There’s someone else I like.'”

“…”

Yua’s soft hand covered the back of mine. Though she didn’t put it into words, it was a more than clear enough way to indicate exactly who it was she liked back then. Even though we were having a serious conversation, the corners of my mouth twitched upward slightly. I turned my face away from Yua to hide my expression and the heat in my cheeks.

“But you see… that was the reason I started being bullied.”

I quickly realized that her decision not to say the person’s name just now was a consideration “to prevent me from feeling responsible.” My relaxed mouth naturally straightened, and I once again lent my ear to her voice.

“Did the boy who got rejected start bullying you out of spite?”

“Quite the opposite, actually. After the confession, that boy never spoke to me again. …The thing is, though, he was the most popular boy in our grade. He was a favorite in the class, too.”

Once I heard that much, the reason it developed into bullying was easy to imagine.

“I earned the resentment of the girls who liked him, and they bullied me. They said things like, ‘You used your looks to get ahead of everyone’ or ‘You’re stuck-up for rejecting a confession’… I was kicked, and they hid my things.”

Yua’s hand, resting on mine, gripped me tightly. As the strength in her grip increased, I felt as though even the pain of her past was being transmitted to me.

“Do you regret rejecting the confession, Yua?”

“I don’t. Dating someone just to protect myself would be disrespectful to the person who liked me.”

Yua’s words were filled with conviction. She had always possessed a strangely firm will, and it seemed that was still very much alive.

“…And, there’s one more thing, right? The reason involving your mother… for why you started cross-dressing.”

“Well, yes. But that part really isn’t such a big deal.”

“? Is that so?”

“Yeah. …The thing with Mom is just my own way of rebelling.”

“Rebelling…?”

“You know too, don’t you, Sora-kun? My mom is someone with a huge amount of confidence in herself.”

Yua’s voice began to tremble slightly.

“Since I was little, Mom used to say it often. ‘If my daughter’s appearance is bad, my own value drops too’… It’s a horrible set of values, really.”

It was visible from her demeanor that she was as afraid—if not more so—of her own mother as she had been when speaking about the bullying.

“To Mom, I’m just like an accessory. My appearance is a way for her to prove her own worth, and if I’m no longer needed, she won’t even keep me by her side…”

Even back in elementary school, the clothes Yua wore were often expensive, even to a child’s eyes. Her perfectly groomed hair, her well-maintained skin—it was all crafted by her mother. Yua had never wanted any of it.

She wasn’t allowed to play games where she might get her clothes dirty or risk getting injured; she was required to play “like a girl” in places where she wouldn’t get a tan. There were times when we played soccer or tag in secret, but I remember her coming to school the day after we were caught with the area under her eyes badly swollen, worrying our classmates.

“Don’t say such sad things—like you aren’t needed.”

“…Because it’s the truth.”

After a pause, Yua brushed my words aside.

“That person… it seems she has a man she likes among the customers at her workplace. Having me around interferes with her relationship with him, so she pushed me onto Grandma, using a plausible excuse like, ‘I’m worried about my daughter, but I’m too busy with work to look after her.'”

Hearing that, I found myself unable to say anything. She was being so utterly tossed about by her mother’s circumstances that it was pitiful, and yet, my own helplessness—the fact that there was nothing I could specifically do for her—weighed heavily on my heart.

“Being forced to be ‘girly and cute’ by my parent, and being bullied in junior high… when those two things overlapped, I reached my limit.”

“Those two things… are the reasons you started cross-dressing.”

“Yeah. …If I hadn’t received that confession, I wouldn’t have been bullied, right? So, out of a spirit of rebellion against Mom and to keep boys away, I started dressing like a boy.”

However, Yua let out a faint smile, saying, “Well, cross-dressing is actually surprisingly fun, though,” as she stood up again and grabbed the handlebars of her bicycle.

“After moving back to Grandma’s house, the problem with Mom was settled for the time being. But… the past trauma of being bullied is still there.”

Sitting on the bench, her voice sounded terribly frail as I listened.

It made sense. There was no way the wounds inflicted by bullying could heal in just a few short years.

“For me, cross-dressing is the armor I wear to protect myself… because of it, the trauma is much more manageable than before… but even now, sometimes… I get scared of school, and of interacting with people.”

“—That’s why,” she said.

Yua turned around and fixed her gaze on me. The light from the vending machine illuminated her, laying her expression bare.

“Sora-kun, please…”

In a calm voice, Yua pleaded for salvation.

“Don’t just protect me on these night roads—protect me at school, too… just like you did back then.”

I froze for several seconds, my eyes widening. Yua’s tied-back hair swayed in the breeze, shimmering in the light.

Back in the early years of elementary school, she had been isolated, unable to fit in with the class. It was hard to imagine looking at her now, but back then, Yua was so shy that she struggled to talk to her classmates, let alone her teacher. On top of that, she was a bit of a crybaby; while it didn’t escalate to full bullying, she was frequently teased by the other girls and would often be found crying alone.

As a child, I had felt sorry for her and became her friend. As a result, once she started spending her time with me, the teasing from our classmates gradually stopped. To her, that experience was clearly etched in her mind as being “protected.”

However, my “standing at school” now is vastly different from how it was back then. If one were to consider the high school caste system, the current Yua sits in a tier far above my own.

For someone like me, who barely has any friends, to protect someone like her—who already has her own fan club—is a story that would sound ridiculous to anyone else.

However—I am the only one who knows the truth about Yua’s past.

It’s impossible for someone like me to protect her now. …And yet, I was driven by a sense of duty, a feeling that I “must” protect her.

I stood up from the bench, curled my hand into a fist, and gave my chest a firm thud.

“…Yeah, leave it to me!”

I directed a smile toward her—as if to reassure her, and as if trying to reclaim the self-confidence I overflowed with back in elementary school.

“I knew it… You haven’t changed at all either, Sora-kun…”

No, there was no doubt that I had changed.

But in this moment spent with her—I wanted to stay just as I was back then.

Being illuminated by Yua’s smile… I couldn’t help but feel that way.