Chapter 43: Inner Shadow

When I came to, I was in deep darkness. In my hand, I gripped not the Magic Sword I had been swinging just now, but my beloved short sword that Gloria had broken. It’s fixed as good as new. I see, so this is inside my mind. This short sword was something Father bought for me on my birthday. Mother didn’t make a good face, saying ‘a sword for a girl’, but I was very happy. After that, whenever I had free time, I swung this sword. So that I could manipulate it like my own limbs. When was it that I wanted to become a knight? I think it started when I saw Father and my brothers and admired how cool they were. I swore in my heart that I would absolutely become a knight just like Father, trained and trained, and somehow managed to become a squire. I was happy. I felt like one of my dreams had come true. However, in reality, I had merely climbed the first step of the stairs. Even among the same squires, there were many stronger than me. Jean, his sister Cecil, and Gloria… no, I don’t think Gloria is stronger than me. She won thanks to that Magic Sword. If it’s pure ability, I haven’t lost… shouldn’t have. Jean and Cecil are geniuses. Lumps of talent. They learn fast, and are strong even just swinging the sword with their innate sensibilities. Since they add effort to that, there’s no way I can win. I only have effort. I have no choice but to single-mindedly swing the sword just to become stronger. Then that person appeared before me. Possessing the [Holy Sword] granted by heaven, the niece of His Majesty the Emperor and a Ducal Lady, Lady Sakuraile le Philharmonie. The ‘Princess of the Holy Sword’ who cut down the Dark Dragon, which the Imperial Knights were no match for, with a single stroke. I was captivated by that figure. Not by the strength of her sword. Even as flattery, Lady Sakuraile‘s swordsmanship is not something to be praised. What I was drawn to was her courage. It’s an embarrassing story, but when the Dark Dragon appeared, my legs froze and I couldn’t move. I, who aimed to be a knight protecting the people, couldn’t save anyone. That can’t be helped. I am a child too. Even Cecil next to me was trembling and couldn’t do anything. But Lady Sakuraile was different. She protected Estelle, who was beside her, from the Dark Dragon with her own body. Not caring if her body was crushed. I believe that self-sacrificing resolve summoned the [Holy Sword]. Not just mere admiration, I truly thought I wanted to become a courageous person who could protect someone like her. At that time, the talk of becoming Lady Sakuraile‘s personal attendant came to me. Of course, I jumped at it without a second thought. To become a knight protecting that person. What a wonderful future that would be. Lady Sakuraile was kind to me, her personal attendant. Usually, noble ladies of high rank met at parties and such are often insufferable. Perhaps the [Holy Sword] was granted because she possesses such a heart. I made a friend named Estelle, and every day was fulfilling. I learned the sword from Estelle‘s mother, Teacher Julia, and could feel myself getting stronger little by little. But when I lost to Gloria, I felt like everything I had built up until now crumbled inside me. Wondering if all my effort was pointless. Wondering if my own power was meaningless before geniuses and superior weapons. Wondering if I myself had no value…

“That’s why you want a Magic Sword?” “Tch!? Who is it!?”

When I challenged the sudden voice, me emerged smoothly from the darkness. An appearance exactly alike, as if reflected in a mirror. But her mouth was twisted as if mocking the me in front of her.

“If you just have a strong Magic Sword, you can pretend to be a strong knight even without ability, right?” “Wrong! I don’t want a Magic Sword for such a reason!” “It’s not anything to be ashamed of, right? Even Lady Sakuraile has the [Holy Sword]. Deep down, you think if you had that [Holy Sword], even you could become a ‘Princess of the Holy Sword’, don’t you?” “That is…!”

The words spoken by my shadow. They were undeniably the truth. If I just had the [Holy Sword], I could have defeated the Dark Dragon myself. Even I could become a ‘Princess of the Holy Sword’. Then I would become a knight who wouldn’t lose to anyone. Not to Jean, not to Cecil, not to Gloria. Such feelings certainly existed within me. If only I had a strong weapon. Because I’m not strong. Because I lack ability. Because I’m weak.

“You, who are weak, will hold a Magic Sword and become strong? How is that any different from that Gloria?”

My shadow smoothly drew her sword. The sword she drew was not the sword I received from Father glowing dully, but Gloria‘s Magic Sword. The shadow attacks. Those movements were not mine, but the very movements of Gloria whom I fought before. I somehow catch that attack with the short sword I drew. The shadow’s attacks rain down incessantly from right and left, and every time I catch them, a shock runs through my arm, making me almost drop my sword. Suddenly, the thought crossed my mind that if I just dropped it, I could be at ease.

“No matter how much effort you put in, it’s useless. You cannot match geniuses like Jean or Cecil. After all, you are mediocre. Do you intend to waste your whole life making useless efforts?” “Ugh…”

The voice from the shadow, kicking me while I’m down. Isn’t it fine already? What is the point of a talentless self clinging to the sword any longer? A conviction sprouts that if I let go of this sword here, I will never be able to hold a sword again. But, it’s not like I’ll die. Being a knight isn’t everything in life. If it’s just living, there are plenty of other paths. Anyway, this is all I amount to. I don’t want to be miserably hurt any more than this. Someone like me…

“This is the end.”

Unable to completely catch the shadow’s sword, my sword snapped just like in reality. Just like that, my heart also snapped…

“…! …!”

…? I hear a voice from somewhere. Not the shadow’s voice. Whose voice could it be… In my hazy, fading consciousness, I strain my ears toward the darkness.

『Don’t lose, Bianca!』

Lady Sakuraile!? When I heard that voice, I felt the fog in my head clear up in an instant. Lady Sakuraile‘s cheers reach inside my heart.

『Don’t give up! Just a little more, hang in there!』 『Bianca-san, do your beeeeest!』

Not just Lady Sakuraile. I can hear Estelle‘s voice too. I felt the fire that was about to go out in my heart burning up again. I grip the broken sword tight. Why was I being weak-spirited? I am not alone. I have a master who worries and cheers for me like this. I have friends. That’s right. I still have reasons to do my best. There are people who believe in me. I have a dream I can’t give up! I put strength into my legs. It’s okay, I can still do it. I can still stand! I can still move forward! It’s fine if I’m weak. So what. Little by little, even with small steps, I will move forward. Even if I fall, I will fall forward. And I will stand up again and again! Mediocre? Fine! No talent? So what! I will absolutely, absolutely not lose to myself!

“Yaaaaaaah!”

My broken sword, swung overhead, emitted a dazzling light, illuminating the darkness. That sword cut through my shadow just like the [Holy Sword].

◇ ◇ ◇

Bianca, having swung the sword down, didn’t move at all. Her eyes were unfocused, and her hands were trembling minutely. An expression of anguish floated on her face, and her forehead was beaded with sweat. The count is ninety-nine. Just one more time. Swing up and swing down. Just that much is incredibly frustrating.

“Well then… will she break here, or stand up… quite a sight.”

Balay-san, sitting on a chair with a table in the backyard, gulped down whiskey. Opposite him, Grandfather was shrewdly joining in. Even though Bianca is suffering, these adults… I glare lightly at the two with half-lidded eyes.

“Don’t give me those eyes, Sakuraile. This is something she herself must break through. It’s not something others can do anything about. You should believe and wait too.”

Well, I do believe in her, but… Since I don’t know what Bianca is fighting against, I can’t even offer advice. The only thing I can do is cheer for my friend.

“Bianca, do your best! Don’t loooooose!”

I know that girl is a hard worker. I know she puts in the effort. I know she’s a clumsy but straightforward, earnest, and cool girl. So she can definitely do it. I believe that.

“Don’t lose, Bianca! Don’t give up! Just a little more, hang in there!”

I don’t know if this voice is reaching her. But I can’t help but shout.

“Bianca-san, do your beeeeest!”

Next to me, Estelle also shouted desperately towards Bianca along with me. Eventually, as if our voices reached her, Bianca slowly swung the sword up. The shine in her eyes seemed to be returning too. Bianca, who swung the sword up over her head, swung it down with a spirit-piercing shout.

“Haaah!”

Bianca, having swung the Magic Sword down, knelt there and let go of the Magic Sword from her hands.

“Ugh, guh, haah, haah, haah…!”

While sweating profusely from her forehead, Bianca repeated rough breaths. I instinctively started running toward Bianca.

“You did it, Bianca!” “Sa… kura… rile, Lady…”

Since speaking seemed difficult for her, I told her to stay sitting. After all, five hours have passed since she started swinging the sword. It’s natural to be tired. Every time she seemed about to stop midway, I was on edge and couldn’t relax, though.

“Five, hours…! Was I swinging… that long…”

Rather than swinging, she wasn’t moving for most of it, though. According to Bianca‘s sense of time, it didn’t feel that long. Anyway, with this, the trial or whatever is cleared. As promised, I’ll have Balay-san forge Bianca‘s Magic Sword.

“Oh. I’ll forge a sword befitting the young lady Bianca on my dwarven pride. Look forward to it.” “Th-Thank you very much!”

Bianca, still on her knees, bowed her head to Balay-san like a dogeza. Good, good, with this, the match should be manageable.

“Umm, and then, well… Who is Jean next to me exactly…?”

Bianca asked with a puzzled face. Ah, you’re curious? As expected? Actually, after Bianca started swinging the Magic Sword of Trials, Jean started negotiating directly with Balay-san, saying ‘I want a Magic Sword too!’ Fortunately? There was another Magic Sword of Trials, so he lined up next to Bianca and started swinging the same way. Jean is currently past sixty? Grandfather seems to be counting that side, so I don’t know well. He is swinging the sword up with an incredibly painful face. This will take another two hours. However, Jean-kun. Balay-san is only testing if you are worthy of holding a Magic Sword; he hasn’t promised to forge a Magic Sword for you. Can you pay over one hundred and fifty bottles of otherworldly liquor, or the equivalent money? Bianca‘s Magic Sword happened due to my selfishness, so I’ll pay, but I won’t pay for yours, okay? Even if he makes it, this will be payment on success, or maybe a loan. Well, originally in the game, ending up with debt to make the Magic Sword doesn’t change. In the game, Balay-san only said, ‘I’ll make it payment on success,’ but that surely doesn’t mean ‘I’ll make it free.’ Hang in there, Indebted Knight.